As we wrote last week, parental alienation can have devastating effects on children, causing emotional distress, anxiety, and even long-term psychological damage. It can also disrupt the child’s relationship with the alienated parent, leading to feelings of guilt, confusion, and resentment. Parental alienation takes an awful toll on the alienated parent, both emotionally and psychologically.
The emotional distresses include grief and loss, anger and resentment, guilt and shame, and powerlessness. The psychological impact includes depression and anxiety, trauma, and self-esteem issues. Those are not to mention the social, family, and financial impacts.
Today, we suggest some “do’s and “don’t” when it comes to dealing with the horror of parental alienation and some measures that can be taken to protect your relationship with your child and safeguard your child’s well-being.
Here are some common mistakes made by alienated parents:
- Engaging in Conflict with the Alienating Parent: This can escalate the situation and reinforce the negative narrative about the alienated parent.
- Bad-Mouthing the Alienating Parent: Speaking negatively about the other parent can create further animosity and push the child away.
- Overreacting to the Child’s Rejection: Responding with anger, pleading, or desperation can alienate the child further.
- Trying to Force Contact: This can backfire and make the child feel pressured and resentful.
- Neglecting Self-Care: Alienated parents must prioritize their own well-being to support their children effectively.
- Not Seeking Professional Help: A therapist or counselor can provide guidance and support in navigating the challenges of parental alienation.
- Giving Up: Maintaining hope and continuing to reach out is crucial, even when it seems difficult.
What You Can Do
Here is a summary of ten things a parent can do to protect their child from parental alienation.
- Prioritize the Child’s Well-Being: Focus on maintaining a positive, loving relationship with your child, emphasizing their best interests above all else.
- Document Everything: Keep a detailed record of any instances of alienation, including emails, texts, voicemails, and witness accounts.
- Seek Professional Help: Consult with a therapist or counselor who specializes in parental alienation to develop a strategy and gain emotional support.
- Communicate Effectively: If possible, communicate directly with the other parent to address concerns and find common ground.
- Involve Trusted Individuals: Share your concerns with trusted friends, family members, or professionals who can offer support and potentially witness the alienation.
- Consider Legal Action: If necessary, consult an attorney to explore legal options for protecting your child’s rights and well-being.
- Educate Yourself: Learn about parental alienation, its effects on children, and coping strategies.
- Focus on Your Child: Prioritize spending quality time with your child, engaging in activities they enjoy, and creating positive memories together.
- Avoid Negative Talk: Refrain from speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child, as this can contribute to the alienation process.
- Seek Support Groups: Connect with other parents who have experienced parental alienation to share experiences and gain support.
Remember, parental alienation is complex, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It’s essential to seek professional guidance and tailor your approach. But even that may not be enough.
Battling persistent parental alienation may require more than human effort. Supernatural help is sometimes necessary and, frankly, should be prioritized. But what is spiritual warfare, you may ask?
Doing Battle in the Spirit
The following is from Love Worth Finding with Adrian Rogers.
What does spiritual warfare mean?
Spiritual warfare has nothing to do with physical battles or physical weaponry. Spiritual warfare is the inward and outward battle we face against the enemies of God. These enemies include Satan, his minions—demons and fallen angels—and sin, which can be lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, or pride of life. Once we become Christians, a battle begins between the spirit (our internal spirit) and the flesh (the inward sinful nature we are born with). In this battle, we must learn to utilize the Holy Spirit within us to help us fight. The Apostle Paul spoke directly to this in his epistle to the Church at Ephesus in Ephesians 6:10-20. In verses 14-20, Paul lays out the armor we are to put on, but in the first few verses of that passage, he gives us a glimpse into why we need the armor.
“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand” (Ephesians 6:10-13).
Read the entire article here.
Spiritual warfare is about trusting in God’s power and authority to protect and guide our children, not about warring against our child’s other parent.
Waging Spiritual Warfare for Your Child
Spiritual warfare on behalf of your child refers to praying and interceding with God for their spiritual protection, growth, and guidance. It involves seeking God’s intervention to shield them from spiritual harm, such as temptation, sin, and negative influences.
Some common elements of spiritual warfare for children include:
- Prayer: Regularly praying for their spiritual well-being, protection, and guidance.
- Scripture: Reading and meditating on Scripture with them, emphasizing its truth and power.
- Discipleship: Teaching them about God’s love, grace, and commands and encouraging them to follow Jesus.
- Community: Building a strong Christian community around them where they can be supported and encouraged.
- Spiritual Authority: Exercising spiritual authority over their lives, binding demonic forces, and claiming God’s blessings.
- Fasting: Fasting is a spiritual discipline that increases prayer’s effectiveness.
Enlisting the Prayer Support of Others
Ask your pastor and select others in your faith community to intercede with you on behalf of your child and the alienating parent.
Here are some prayer points for interceding for the alienating parent:
- For Repentance: Pray that God will open their hearts to the truth and lead them to genuine repentance for the harm they are causing.
- For Spiritual Insight: Ask God to grant them spiritual clarity and discernment, enabling them to see the destructive nature of their actions.
- For Healing: Pray for the healing of their heart and mind, freeing them from bitterness, anger, and resentment.
- For Love and Compassion: Ask God to fill them with love and compassion for their child and the other parent.
- For Restoration: Pray for the restoration of the family so that the alienated parent would be reconciled with their child and the other parent.
- For God’s Will: Ultimately, submit the situation to God’s sovereign will, trusting that He will work all things together for good (Rom. 8:28).
Instruction from the Holy Scriptures
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. – 1 Corinthians 10:3-4 ESV
The Christ-Follower can be confident that the battle for his child’s wellbeing is not his but the Lord’s. It is about believing that all authority in heaven and earth has been given to Him (Matthew 28:18) and that He will win the victory.
Going into battle for your child requires being adequately prepared. The Bible employs the metaphor of “the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6)” to picture the spiritual protection needed in spiritual warfare. In the next episode, we will discuss the various armor pieces and what they symbolize, explaining their use in spiritual battles.
About the Author
Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and mentor to several men. He and his wife Judy have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2008 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016 and led ULM in the creation of Fathering Strong.
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