Black History Month: Generational Impacts of American Slavery

Introduction

While the Fathering Strong Movement seeks to strengthen fatherhood and families of all ethnicities, it is essential to be aware of and address the unique challenges of some groups. In commemoration of Black History Month, this blog post aims to raise awareness of issues specific to Black fathers and families.

Fresh from a very impactful, four-day civil rights bus tour of historic sites in the American South, I have been pondering the long-term effects on today’s black fathers and families of approximately 400 years of slavery, Jim Crow, and ongoing systemic racism. The impacts of these realities are complex and multifaceted. It should be noted that while these conditions cause significant harm, they have also fostered resilience, strength, and cultural richness within Black families and communities.

Understanding the long-term negative impacts of America’s history of trafficking in human beings is crucial for addressing Black fathers and families’ ongoing challenges and working toward a healthier and safer world for children.

The Long-Term Impact of the Parting of Slave Families

Slavery and the separation of slave family members in America had profound and lasting consequences, impacting individuals, families, and the broader African American community for generations.

Here’s a breakdown of the long-term negative impacts:

Intergenerational Trauma:

Emotional Scars: The trauma of family separation, including the loss of parents, children, spouses, and other loved ones, left deep emotional scars on enslaved individuals. This trauma was passed down through generations, affecting mental health, family dynamics, and community well-being.
Loss of Identity and Connection: Separation disrupted cultural transmission, family histories, and ancestral connections. This loss of identity and connection continues to affect descendants of enslaved families.

Family Structure and Instability:

Weakened Family Bonds: The constant threat of separation and its frequent reality undermined family stability and created a sense of insecurity. This hindered the ability to form and maintain strong family bonds across generations.
Complex Family Histories: The legacy of separation has resulted in complex family histories, with many African Americans unable to trace their ancestry or connect with relatives due to disrupted family lines.

Social and Psychological Impacts:

Mental Health Challenges: Descendants of enslaved families are more likely to experience mental health challenges due to the intergenerational trauma of family separation and the ongoing effects of systemic racism.
Social and Emotional Difficulties: The disruption of family structures and the loss of cultural connections can contribute to social and emotional difficulties, including relationships and identity formation challenges.

Cultural Impacts:

Resilience and Adaptation: Despite the trauma, African Americans demonstrated remarkable resilience and adapted by creating strong kinship networks and community support systems.
Cultural Expressions: The experience of family separation has influenced cultural expressions, including music, literature, and art, which often reflect themes of loss, resilience, and the search for connection.

The Disparities of Father Absence

Father absence affects all ethnicities and cultures, but, as it has been said, “When America catches a cold, Black people get pneumonia.”[1] This means that due to factors like historical disadvantage, systemic discrimination, and limited access to resources, African Americans are more vulnerable to health and economic crises and social upheavals. Consequently, there is almost always a disproportionate impact in any crisis.

Here’s a breakdown of the father absence[2] rates in the U.S., categorized by ethnicity:

Overall: 20.7% of all children live without their biological father.
Black children: 57.6%
Hispanic children: 31.2%
White children: 20.7%

American slavery had a devastating and long-lasting impact on Black families, with repercussions that continue to affect generations disproportionally. What follows are some of the key long-term impacts:

Resulting Health Disparities

Black Americans experience significant health disparities compared to white Americans. These disparities are complex and stem from a combination of factors, including socioeconomic inequalities, systemic racism, and historical trauma.

Here are some key areas where health disparities exist:

Higher rates of chronic diseases: Black Americans are more likely to develop conditions like heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and certain cancers.
Higher mortality rates: Black Americans have a shorter life expectancy and higher death rates from many conditions compared to white Americans.
Maternal and infant mortality: Black women are three times more likely to die from pregnancy-related causes than white women, and Black infants are more than twice as likely to die as white infants.
Mental health: Black Americans are more likely to experience mental health conditions but face barriers to accessing mental healthcare.
Access to healthcare: Black Americans are more likely to be uninsured or underinsured, and they often face barriers to accessing quality healthcare services.

These disparities are not due to inherent biological differences. Instead, they are primarily driven by social and economic factors, including:

Poverty and economic inequality: Black Americans are more likely to live in poverty, which can limit access to healthy food, safe housing, and quality healthcare.
Systemic racism and discrimination: Racism and discrimination in healthcare, housing, and employment contribute to stress, chronic health conditions, and limited opportunities for Black Americans.
Historical trauma: The legacy of slavery, segregation, and other forms of oppression has had lasting impacts on the health and well-being of Black communities.

Other Disparities

Family Separation and Instability:

Forced separation: Enslaved families were frequently torn apart through sale, inheritance, or punishment. This created deep emotional trauma and disrupted family bonds.
Limited legal rights: Enslaved people had no legal rights to marry or parent their children, leaving families vulnerable to the whims of slave owners.
Intergenerational trauma: The pain of family separation and instability was passed down through generations, affecting family structures and relationships.

Economic Disparities:

Generational wealth gap: The legacy of slavery has contributed to a significant wealth gap between Black and white families. The inability to accumulate wealth during slavery and the subsequent discriminatory practices have hindered economic progress for many Black families.
Limited access to resources: Historical and ongoing discrimination in housing, education, and employment has limited access to resources and opportunities for Black families, perpetuating economic inequality.

Psychological and Emotional Trauma:

Intergenerational trauma: The trauma of slavery, including violence, abuse, and family separation, has been passed down through generations, affecting mental health and well-being.
Mental health disparities: Black individuals are more likely to experience mental health conditions due to the historical and ongoing impact of racism and discrimination.

Social and Cultural Impacts:

Cultural identity: The legacy of slavery has shaped Black cultural identity, including music, art, literature, and social movements.
Resilience and strength: Black families have demonstrated remarkable resilience and strength in adversity despite the challenges. They have developed strong kinship networks and cultural traditions that have helped them survive and thrive.

The Power of Faith

My parents’ stories illustrate the power of faith in destroying the generational curse of fatherlessness and instability in a Black family despite its horrific history.

A Legacy of Father Abandonment

Some slave owners’ centuries-long practice of separating spouses and children from each other had a profound effect on the kidnapped Africans and lasting consequences, impacting individuals, families, and the broader African American community for generations. This practice put a manmade “generational curse” upon the Black family.

The abolishment of chattel slavery did not destroy this curse on the broken Black family. It persisted for generations without being forced. For example, my paternal and maternal grandfathers walked away from their wives and children and started new families.

Destroying the Curse

As a boy, my father suffered the heart-breaking abandonment of his father, along with his siblings and their mother. After coming to Christ as a young man, he decided to be better and never leave his family. He married his childhood sweetheart, and the two kept their vow of faithfulness to God and each other. They raised 13 children together and, in doing so, destroyed the “generational curse” of the broken family for his children.

Their story, and that of many Black families, illustrates the power of faith in God, engagement in a church fellowship where there are good role models and a commitment to being the parents their children need.

Instructions from the Holy Scriptures

Whatever the origin of a “generational curse,” the answer is salvation through Jesus Christ.

¹⁷Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. – 1 Corinthians 5:17

A Christian is a new creation – a child of God, no longer under the curse of forefathers (Romans 8:1). The cure for any “generational curse” is repentance of the sin in question, faith in Christ, and a life consecrated to the Lord (Romans 12:1-2).

About the Author

Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and mentor of several men. He and his wife Judy have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2006 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016 and led ULM in the creation of Fathering Strong.

Join

We invite you to join the Fathering Strong Movement. To begin, explore FatheringStrong.com, and download the free app. Subscribe to the weekly Fathering Strong Podcast on YouTube. Your subscription enables us to provide services and resources, including our newsletter and blog at no cost.

Fathering Strong is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children. To learn more about Urban Light Ministries and to donate to our mission, go to www.urbanlight.org.

[1] Dr. John Queener, during a webinar on Black health in America. He attributed the saying to his grandmother.

[2] Children living without their biological fathers in the household.

Vision: The Fathering Strong Movement

Introduction

In my last blog post, I made a case for the need for a significant national campaign to strengthen the institution of fatherhood to benefit children, families, and communities. Such a movement would require collective action, shared beliefs and goals, organized effort, and social change. Such an endeavor would be challenging, but the need is dire – especially for minority communities. If not now, when? If not us, who?

What is a Movement?

A social movement is a large group organized to achieve a particular goal, typically a social or political objective. This may be to carry out a social change or to resist or undo one. It is a type of group action and may involve individuals, organizations, or both.

Social movements are often spontaneous and loosely organized. They may be started by a small group of people passionate about an issue and may grow to include people from all walks of life. Social movements may use a variety of tactics to achieve their goals, including protests, demonstrations, boycotts, and lobbying.

Social movements have been a significant force for social change throughout history. They have been responsible for such things as the abolition of slavery, the women’s suffrage movement, and the civil rights movement. Social movements remain essential to our society today and will likely play an even more substantial role.

Here are some of the key characteristics of social movements:

They are large and diverse. Social movements typically involve many people from different backgrounds and with different experiences.
They are organized. Social movements may have formal or informal structures, but they are typically organized in some way.
They are focused on a specific goal. Social movements are typically focused on achieving a specific social or political goal.
They use a variety of tactics. Social movements may use a variety of tactics to achieve their goals, including protests, demonstrations, boycotts, and lobbying.
They are often successful. Social movements have been responsible for many important social changes throughout history.

Research assistance provided by Google Gemini.

The social movements mentioned above changed America for the better. Some other movements, not so much. Regarding fatherhood and family, the country has gone in a not-so-good direction for the last seven decades. Some movements have contributed to the breakdown of the traditional family, the increase in the failure of family formation, the rise of single-parent households, the father absence disaster, and the resultant children and youth issues so often lamented.

What Has Been Tried

Some national and local fatherhood initiatives and programs seek to address the father absence crisis. Some of these are somewhat effective, but the national crisis persists. Many of those efforts are government-funded.

However, government funding can be unpredictable, with grants subject to political whims and budget cuts. This can make long-term planning difficult and create instability for social service programs. The application process for government grants can be complex and time-consuming, requiring significant staff time and resources. Grants often come with strings attached, limiting how funds can be used and requiring strict adherence to guidelines. This can reduce flexibility and responsiveness to changing community needs.

Social service agencies often compete fiercely for limited grant dollars, creating a competitive environment that can hinder collaboration and information sharing. Over-reliance on government grants can make agencies vulnerable to changes in funding priorities and create a disincentive to diversify funding sources. Agencies may feel pressured to align their programs with government funding priorities, potentially leading to mission drift and a focus on services that are not the most needed in the community.

Something Better is Required

Rather than doing the same things over and over while expecting different results, a national movement is needed to stop the slow unraveling of the fabric of society. As fathers and families go, so goes the community.

While local, state, and federal government is a part of the solution, the people and organizations closest to the problems are the keys to finally stemming the tide of societal decline.

Beginning with a Vision

A fatherhood movement of the magnitude needed must begin with a unifying vision. I don’t have all the answers or a perfect plan for reducing fatherlessness and developing excellence in fathering on a society-wide scale. What I do have is a vision that I hope others catch. Hopefully, many will agree that a fatherhood movement is desperately needed for the sake of children and society, and together, we will develop a winning strategy. Without one, America will continue to suffer from the well-documented negative impacts of widespread father absence and fragile families.

What I envision for America:

Vision: The Fathering Strong Movement

I envision that in 2035, father absence in the U.S. will have been reduced to one child in ten compared to the current one in four.[1] I also envision an increase in the number of fathers who prioritize the loving nurturance of their children in partnership with their children’s mothers. The result is a significant reduction in child and teen behavioral disorders, suicides, drug and alcohol addictions, juvenile detentions, academic failure, and child poverty.

This is a monumental goal. Revolutionary. Culture changing. It can only be achieved with help from The Almighty and an all-hands-on-deck, highly organized, and unified effort.

Strategy

I see…

The development of an overarching strategic plan. When executed, it results in a critical mass of people and organizations joining forces in a unified effort to achieve the vision expressed above.

Tactics

I see…

Social service agencies, nonprofits, and faith-based organizations coming out of their silos to form collaborations to engage fathers in their programs
Fathers forming communities for mutual encouragement, mentoring, and leadership development
Churches and other religious organizations leading the way in promoting traditional family formation, family strengthening, and premature parenthood prevention initiatives
Foundations, trusts, and other funders joining the movement by providing financial resources to sustain the effort
Federal, state, and local governments, including the courts, adopting father-friendly policies
Communities mobilizing to reduce father absence and to increase healthy fathering
Communities establishing paid staff positions to lead the long-term effort
Traditional and digital media reinforcing the movement through positive messages (making traditional family formation “cool” again)
Big corporations to small businesses joining the movement through father/family-friendly advertising and funding support
More

Dreaming Big

Yes, this is a mammoth vision. That is appropriate when tackling the massive challenge of reducing father absence and strengthening committed fathers.

Having a big vision is about more than just setting goals. It’s about creating a compelling picture of the future that inspires you and others to achieve something extraordinary. It provides direction, motivation, and meaning for individuals and organizations. What is more inspiring than a better future for children and families?

The Fathering Strong® team already has some things in place to help make this vision a reality.

The Fathering Strong® App for connecting people virtually
The Fathering Strong® Podcast and Blog for mass communication
Affiliation with a network of fatherhood practitioners
Decades of experience in fatherhood programming
Community mobilization experience

Catch the vision and be among the first to begin building The Fathering Strong Movement.

Instructions from the Holy Scriptures

… “Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it. …” – Habakkuk 2:2 NKJV

When the LORD gives a vision, He instructs the visionary to write it down in understandable terms. He is to share the vision so those who read it can understand and enthusiastically run with it.

About the Author

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[1] https://americafirstpolicy.com/issues/issue-brief-fatherlessness-and-its-effects-on-american-society#:~:text=According%20to%20data%20from%202022,comprising%20about%201%20in%204&text=Across%20America%2C%202022%20data%20indicates,1%20in%204%20US%20children.

3 Reasons for a Nonpartisan Fatherhood Movement

Introduction

Hopefully, the nation will turn toward healing with the inauguration of America’s 47th president after more than eight years of political rancor. However, many issues divide people along political, party, religious, moral, and ideological lines. Those differences may be hardened in the years to come. To make matters worse, some people exploit the differences between the American populace for less-than-honorable purposes. The father-absence crisis should not be one of those contentious issues. Why not?

In this week’s article, I will argue that instead of dividing, we have every reason to unite behind a fatherhood movement. I’ll start by presenting a brief synopsis of the current state of childhood in our country, three reasons to work together to address the crisis, and the benefits and challenges of doing so.

The United States Faces a Fatherlessness Crisis

Around 80% of single-parent households are led by single mothers, therefore leading to nearly 25% (18.5 million) of American children growing up without their biological fathers in their homes (US Census Bureau). This results in many negative outcomes for children.

Why Fatherhood is Important for Children

Fatherhood is essential to the development of our children, and the increased involvement of fathers in the home leads to better results on a wide variety of outcomes. From economic health to academic achievement to upward social movement, fathers in their respective homes remain a key indicator of success for all children across racial, ethnic, and socio-economic groups.

That is not to say that single mothers cannot do an adequate job of raising kids without the help of the children’s father. Some do exceedingly well, even under unspeakable hardship. They should be celebrated. The point is they should not have to do it alone. That is not the Creator’s plan for the family.

Impact of Father Absence on Communities

Communities across America are devastated by the lack of present, loving, and nurturing dads in their children’s lives.

Research indicates that father absence is one factor in the prevalence of youth behavioral problems, addiction, crime, and incarceration.

85% of children and teens with behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.
Over 70% of all adolescent patients in drug and alcohol treatment centers originate from homes without fathers.
Some sources claim that over 85% of youth in prison come from fatherless homes.

There is a correlation between father absence and increased risk of youth poverty.

Sadly, fatherless families are four times more likely to raise children in poverty (U.S. Census Bureau, 2020), and research suggests that 84% of homeless families are headed by women (ACOG, 2021). – America First Policy Institute Issue Brief

The Fatherlessness Crisis Is Nonpartisan

People of goodwill of all political leanings who long for, pray for, and work for the betterment of their communities have something around which to unite. Something that, if improved, will have a positive ripple effect on the holistic health of children, families, cities, and the country. That thing is fatherhood. What, then, could be more patriotic than to rally together to increase the number of children growing up with present, committed, engaged fathers and father figures?

Three Reasons We Should Work Together to Address the Crisis

Impact on Children: Regardless of political affiliation, most people agree that children benefit from having a strong, positive relationship with their father. This includes emotional, social, and economic well-being.
Societal Impact: The potential negative consequences of father absence – increased poverty, crime, and social instability – are concerns that transcend political divides.
Focus on Solutions: Addressing fatherlessness often involves finding common ground on solutions, such as:

Supporting Responsible Fatherhood: Programs that encourage and support fathers in their roles can be beneficial across the political spectrum.
Improving Family Stability: Policies that promote marriage, reduce family poverty, and provide support for single-parent families can garner support from various viewpoints.
Community-Based Solutions: Strengthening communities and providing resources for families can be a bipartisan goal.

Challenges and Benefits of Cooperation

While fatherlessness can be a nonpartisan issue, it’s important to acknowledge that the proposed approaches and solutions may vary depending on political ideology. That’s not a terrible thing in an all-hands-on-deck approach to problem-solving. It’s crucial to have open and respectful dialogues about this complex issue, focusing on finding common ground and solutions that benefit children and families.

Working together to address a common problem can lead to mutual understanding and encourage relationship building. Addressing the father absence crisis in that manner offers several key benefits:

More Effective Solutions:
- Diverse Perspectives: Combining different viewpoints can lead to more comprehensive and well-rounded solutions that address the multifaceted nature of the issue.
- Increased Support: Bipartisan support can lead to greater funding, stronger legislation, and more widespread implementation of effective programs.
Stronger Public Support:
- Increased Legitimacy: Bipartisan efforts can increase public trust and support for addressing the issue, demonstrating a shared commitment to finding solutions.
- Reduced Polarization: Addressing the issue through collaboration can help to reduce political polarization and foster a more constructive dialogue on important social issues.
Improved Outcomes for Children:
- Greater Impact: By combining resources and expertise, bipartisan efforts can have a more significant and lasting impact on children affected by father absence.
- Focus on Child Well-being: A shared focus on children’s best interests can help ensure that solutions are effective and prioritize the needs of young people.
Building Trust and Collaboration:
- Improved Relationships: Successful bipartisan collaboration can build trust and goodwill between lawmakers and across the political spectrum.
- Model for Future Collaboration: Successful bipartisan efforts on this issue can serve as a model for addressing other complex social challenges.

Bipartisan cooperation can be challenging, and finding common ground may not always be easy. However, the potential benefits for children and society make it worthwhile.

Fathering Strong Seeks to Spark a Fatherhood Movement

A significant national campaign to strengthen fatherhood for the benefit of children, families, and communities is needed. Such a movement requires collective action, shared beliefs and goals, organized effort, and social change. Now is the time.

Instructions from the Holy Scriptures

… “Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it. …” – Habakkuk 2:2 NKJV

When the LORD gives a vision, He instructs the visionary to write it down in understandable terms. He is to share the vision so those who read it can understand and enthusiastically run with it.

In next week’s blog post, I will outline my vision for The Fathering Strong Movement.

About the Author

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The Fathering Strong Year in Review

Introduction

This week, the team at Urban Light Ministries observes the completion of the first full year of the operation of Fathering Strong®. 2024 was a year of challenge and progress. In this blog post, we will report on our accomplishments and the remaining challenges, and we will lay out our vision for the new year. First, however, we will review the mission and vision statements of Fathering Strong.

Our Cause (Why this project.)

Because children benefit greatly from having present, deeply committed, and nurturing fathers, and because they suffer when they don’t, Urban Light Ministries provides helpful resources to strengthen, encourage, and inspire strong fathering.

Our Mission (What we are doing.)

Urban Light Ministries is making available Fathering Strong® resources that help turn fathers’ hearts to their children.

Our Vision (The future we see.)

Our resources have enabled every father who desires them to prioritize his children’s loving parenting and co-parenting.

The Desired Outcomes (The results of what we do.)

As a result of this work, the outcomes of children are improving, and their communities are benefiting in multiple ways.

2024 Accomplishments

Website

Over 171,000 people were reached online. More than 88,000 of them were interested in learning what the bible says about fathers, with 14,000+ clicking for more information.

They were directed to the Urban Light Ministries and Fathering Strong® websites, where they found informative and uplifting content, including devotionals, videos, blog posts, and fatherhood classes.

App

325 people subscribed to the Fathering Strong® App to connect with fathers and others who support them in their commitment to good parenting and co-parenting. The app encourages the engagement of dads in a fatherhood community for their mutual benefit. The Fathering Strong® App also empowers dads to form their own groups centered on similar concerns and circumstances.

Blog

Our 52 weekly Fathering Strong Blog posts in 2024 focused on topics ranging from helping kids succeed in school, building strong bonds with children, online safety, and male nurturance to managing holiday stress.

Podcast

34 Fathering Strong® Podcast episodes featured guest interviews with informative subject matter experts, fathers sharing interesting parenting experiences, discussions about healing father wounds, and many more.

Challenges

Generally, engaging men and fathers is a challenging endeavor. Most civic organizations, social service agencies, nonprofits, and even churches struggle to involve men meaningfully.

Why Engaging Men is So Difficult

Research suggests several potential reasons why some men may communicate differently than some women:

Socialization and Gender Roles: Traditional gender roles often discourage emotional expression in boys and men. This can lead to difficulty expressing feelings and seeking emotional support.
Communication Styles: Men and women may have different communication styles. Men might be more likely to communicate through actions rather than words, while women may value verbal communication more.
Fear of Vulnerability: Men may be hesitant to open up due to societal pressures that emphasize strength and independence. Expressing vulnerability can be seen as a weakness.

These are generalizations, and individual experiences vary greatly.

What We Are Doing

Urban Light Ministries created The Fathering Strong® App to facilitate small fatherhood group formation using smartphones. We have made progress in that more than 300 have downloaded the app. Getting them to begin communicating with us and other dads remains challenging. Successfully achieving that requires creativity, understanding, and sustained effort.

We are exploring the tactic of working with preexisting groups of males and fathers, providing them with the Fathering Strong® App as a resource for enhancing their engagement with the participants. As we presented at various conferences in 2024, we found interest on the part of fatherhood programs in using the app to strengthen their relationships with program participants and enable long-term tracking of their participants’ progress as fathers.

Head Start centers see the Fathering Strong® App as a tool to enhance their success in engaging fathers and other male caregivers in their students’ care and early childhood education. One of their goals is to increase their children’s kindergarten readiness.

Looking Ahead to 2025

This year, we will focus more intently on helping prospective customers get started and effectively incorporate the Fathering Strong® App in their programs. A key prospect is Miami Valley Child Development Centers, which has committed to conducting pilot Fathering Strong® virtual groups at two Head Start centers. Success will result in the possibility of Fathering Strong® being sought after by Head Start agency operators nationwide.

Adding a church-based fatherhood curriculum will increase the platform’s appeal to more types of entities.

We will seek to add interactive devotionals to increase our engagement with those who download the app.

Inspiration from the Holy Scriptures

And he will turn
The hearts of the fathers to the children,
And the hearts of the children to their fathers,
Lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.” – Malachi 4:6 NKJV

The work of turning the hearts of fathers to their children is worth every effort because of the impact on the children and their community. Pray with us for God’s wisdom, guidance, and His provision as we seek His will in these endeavors.

Watch the podcast with Pastor Eli Williams and Bruce Stapleton discussing this blog post.

About the Author

Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and mentor to several men. He and his wife Judy have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2006 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016 and led ULM in the creation of Fathering Strong.

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We invite you to join Fathering Strong, a new and growing community of fathers. To register, go to www.fatheringstrong.com, download the free app, and turn on the notifications. Explore the many resources, converse with other fathers, and share your story.

Your financial contributions allow us to serve fathers at no cost. Please consider donating. Fathering Strong is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to the Heavenly Father. To learn more about Urban Light Ministries’ history, work, and mission, explore www.urbanlight.org. To support Fathering Strong and help us reach more fathers and continue to provide this important app, please click the button below.

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Fatherlessness in America: How Mentoring Can Transform Boys’ Lives

In 2022, more than 18 million U.S. children lived without a biological father in the home—that is one in four children! That doesn’t mean there was no father figure present in 25% of US homes. Also, it doesn’t imply that 75% of physically present biological dads were nurturing, safe, and emotionally available to their children.

In some neighborhoods, father absence rates are as high as 70% in urban settings. Those alarming stats indicate that millions of boys and girls are growing up without a positive, mature, and responsible biological father who is present to guide them through the growing-up process. The consequences of this crisis are immense for kids, families, communities, and public schools.

Boys Need Good Role Models

The absence of a positive male role model, particularly a father figure, can have a significant negative impact on a fatherless urban youth. Here are some potential consequences:

Identity Development

Boys use role models to understand masculinity. Without a positive example, they may struggle to develop a healthy sense of self. They might be exposed to negative stereotypes of masculinity on the streets, leading to issues with aggression, emotional expression, and forming healthy relationships.

Social and Emotional Learning

Without a male mentor, boys might lack guidance in navigating social situations, communicating effectively, and resolving conflicts constructively. They may struggle to manage their emotions in a healthy way, leading to outbursts or bottling up feelings.

Academic Performance and Motivation:

Boys lacking positive male figures may have lower academic achievement. This can be due to a lack of support and encouragement or difficulty focusing due to emotional turmoil.

Behavioral Issues

Fatherless youth may be more at risk for behavioral problems due to a lack of positive guidance and discipline. They might act out in school or engage in risky behaviors seeking attention or belonging.

Self-Esteem and Confidence

Without a male figure who believes in them, boys may struggle with low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. This can make them more susceptible to peer pressure and lead to poor decision-making.

Increased Risk Taking

They might engage in risky behaviors like substance abuse, delinquency, or joining gangs seeking a sense of belonging and acceptance they lack elsewhere.

Difficulty with Authority

Without a positive male role model, boys might struggle to respect authority figures, leading to problems at school and with the law.

It’s important to remember:

These are potential consequences, not guaranteed outcomes. Many fatherless boys are extremely resilient and thrive with the support of strong female role models and positive communities. However, no female can be a male role model.

The negative influences of fatherlessness can be mitigated by access to positive male mentors, strong community programs, and positive social circles.

Having a positive male role model can significantly impact a boy’s life. By providing guidance, support, and a positive example, mentors can help fatherless youth overcome these challenges and reach their full potential.

What is Mentoring?

Mentoring is a relationship where someone more experienced (the mentor) shares knowledge and guidance with a less experienced person (the mentee) to help them develop their skills and achieve their goals. It’s often described as a form of social learning that goes beyond simply giving advice.

Some key aspects of mentoring:

Development – The focus is on the mentee’s growth, whether it’s personal or professional.

Guidance – Mentors offer advice, support, and encouragement.

Relationship – Mentoring is built on trust and open communication.

Shared learning – It’s a two-way street where both people involved can learn from each other.

Mentoring can happen in many different settings, such as workplaces, schools, or even informal communities.

Mentoring Boys

Men mentoring boys offers a wealth of value for both the mentor and the mentee. Here are some key benefits:

Value For Boys (Mentees):

Positive Male Influence

As discussed earlier, boys often crave positive male role models. Mentors can provide a strong male figure who embodies desirable qualities like responsibility, respect, and emotional intelligence. This can be especially important for boys who lack a strong father figure at home.

Guidance and Support

Mentors can offer guidance on various life challenges, from navigating school and friendships to handling peer pressure and making good choices. This support system can be invaluable for boys figuring out their identities and aspirations.

Skill Development

Mentors can share their knowledge and expertise, helping boys develop practical skills or explore potential career paths. This can range from learning a new sport to gaining insights into different professions.

Increased Confidence

Having a mentor who believes in and encourages boys can significantly boost their self-esteem and confidence. This can lead to better academic performance, improved social skills, and a more positive outlook on life.

Breaking Cycles

Mentors can help boys break negative cycles they may be experiencing. They can offer a different perspective and encourage boys to make positive choices for the future.

Value For Men (Mentors):

Positive Impact

Mentors have the opportunity to make a real difference in a young boy’s life. Seeing their mentee grow and develop can be a very rewarding experience.

Personal Growth

Mentoring can also be a learning experience for the mentor. It can help them develop leadership skills, communication skills, and empathy.

Giving Back

Mentoring allows men to share their experience and knowledge with the next generation, contributing to the well-being of their community.

Renewed Perspective

Working with young people can provide a fresh perspective and a sense of purpose.

Conclusion

Men mentoring boys creates a positive cycle of support and guidance. Boys benefit from positive male role models, and men gain a sense of purpose and fulfillment through helping the next generation thrive. This can lead to stronger communities and a brighter future for everyone.

The new, free Fathering Strong app provides a platform for men to form online communities that connect, train, encourage, and empower male mentors. You can be the first to start such a group or to join one that gets started. Point your browser to fatheringstrong.com and download the app to get started.

Inspiration from the Holy Scriptures

God cares about the fatherless and makes provision for them. May His love and compassion inspire each of us to do what we can to help a youth who is without a father.

^{God in His holy house is a father to those who have no father. And He keeps the women safe whose husbands have died.}^{– Psalm 68:5 NLV}

For more blog posts on fatherhood, go to the 2024 Index of blog posts – click here

About the Author

Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and father figure to many. He and his wife Judy have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2008 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016.

Join

Your financial contributions allow us to serve fathers at no cost. Please consider donating. Fathering Strong is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to the Heavenly Father. Go to www.fatheringstrong.com to donate. To learn more about Urban Light Ministries’ history, work, and mission, explore www.urbanlight.org.

Fatherhood in Urban America: Not Deadbeat, Beat Down

In a perfect world, every child is born into a home surrounded by the loving care of the married, biological mother and father. To state the painfully obvious, we’re not in a perfect world—far from it. According to the CDC, roughly 1.4 million live births to unmarried women occur annually in the US.[1] That is approximately 39.8% of all live births (as of 2022).[2]

So, every year, nearly four out of ten babies, almost one and a half million, come into a world where most will have disadvantages, especially if the father is not in the child’s life. There are many reasons a father may be absent. Unfortunately, some people lump all of them into a single category and label them deadbeat.

Challenging the Stereotypes

A “deadbeat dad” is a disapproving term for a father who neglects his parental responsibilities. The term an be broken down three ways:

Focuses on financial neglect:
- It typically refers to a father who doesn’t provide financial support for his children, especially when there’s a court order for child support.
Can be broader:
- In some cases, it can encompass dads who are generally uninvolved in their children’s lives, even beyond finances.
Carries judgment:
- It’s an emotionally charged term that implies the father is irresponsible and uncaring.

There’s a more neutral term, absentee father, which refers to a dad who isn’t living with his children. I prefer the term live-away or nonresidential father. Better still, it is best to try to understand a father’s circumstances before forming any judgment about him.

Minority and Urban Fathers

In the book “Doing the Best I Can: Fatherhood in the Inner City”, authors Kathryn Edin and Timothy J. Nelson explore fatherhood experiences in low-income urban communities.

The book challenges stereotypes of “deadbeat dads” and examines the complex realities these fathers face. Through interviews with over 100 fathers, the authors show how economic hardship and social factors shape their involvement in their children’s lives.

The book illuminates the hopes and challenges these fathers experience, from initially unplanned pregnancies to the struggles of raising children in poverty. It complicates the understanding of fatherhood in this demographic and offers a new perspective on family dynamics.

The Heartache of Many Fathers

One particularly poignant story tells of a young man who got a woman pregnant on a one-night, intoxicated affair. They didn’t know each other and were having a good time after meeting in a nightclub. He became excited after finding out from a third party that she was pregnant. Having been raised with no father, he saw this as an opportunity to be the dad he wished he had. Having a criminal record, no job, no automobile, and a drug addiction, he realized that a lot needed to change if he was going to be the dad he wanted to be.

He tracked down the soon-to-be mother and told her he wanted to be there for her and the baby. After the child’s birth, he did what he could with his limited resources to support the mother and his baby boy as a co-parent. Before long, however, she made it clear that she was not interested in him being in her or the baby’s life. There was never a romantic relationship between them, just a one-night sexual encounter. She now had a boyfriend who had a job and a nice car, and she had chosen him to be the father of her child.

He was stunned, heartbroken, devastated. Now, while in the fight to be in his child’s life, he is searching for a good job, working on recovery, and trying to provide for his own basic needs while also paying child support.

Is he a deadbeat dad? You decide. He is not neglecting his child, financially or otherwise. He is not irresponsible or uncaring. He loves his baby boy and wants to do right by him. However, he is suffering from substance addiction that has robbed him of his health and well-being and cost him employment opportunities. He made a big mistake in treating sex outside of marriage as entertainment, as so many do. Now, he is in misery and is filled with regret. He hates himself because he has become like the father he despises. He promises himself that he will get on his feet and try again to be the kind of dad he wishes he had when he was growing up. He yearns to be a good father.

Beaten Down by Life

He is not a deadbeat. He has been beaten down by his life circumstances, his bad choices, an uncaring co-parent, and an unforgiving child support collection system. He has suffered from a lack of family support, access to social services that could potentially help him, legal assistance, and a mentor. Exhausted and feeling defeated, he is beaten down. What he needs is compassionate assistance.

Yes, some men fit the description of a deadbeat dad. However, in my experience as a fatherhood practitioner and the leader of a fatherhood program, I encountered very few of them. Most fathers I have enrolled in fatherhood classes have been eager to develop new parenting techniques, become better co-parents, and learn healthy relationship skills. Some have significant barriers to gaining access to time with their children due to mistakes they have made, bridges they have burned, incarceration, a history of addiction, and other things in their past or present.

Never Give Up on a Man

Further, some of the best fathers I know did not have present, mature, responsible, or nurturing fathers. They decided to do better for their children. To be the opposite of what they saw growing up. To give their kids what they wish they had as a dad. My own father made that decision and raised 13 children together with my mother despite both of them coming from families that their fathers abandoned. This and other reasons are why I never give up on a man.

Rather than calling them ugly names, it is better to pray for struggling fathers and seek ways to help them become the fathers God put them on earth to be.

What Can Be Done to Help Struggling Fathers

Emotional and Practical Support:

Support Groups: Finding online or in-person communities specifically for fathers can provide a space to share experiences, get advice, and feel less alone.

Urban Light Ministries (ULM), my nonprofit, has created a new online community called Fathering Strong (www.fatheringstrong.com). It is accessible through a free mobile app and was designed as a private space for establishing groups for dads. The goal is to connect, engage, and empower fathers.
- Fathers seeking support can find it as a member of the Fathering Strong Community.
- Fathers may establish Fathering Strong groups to address particular needs.

Mentorship Programs: Connecting with experienced fathers who can offer guidance and support can be invaluable.

An experienced father who is a Fathering Strong member and is seeking a father to mentor can let other Fathering Strong members know.

Mental Health Resources: Struggling fathers may benefit from therapy or counseling to address stress, anxiety, or depression.

Spiritual Support

Men’s Groups: Your church may have a men’s group for fellowship and spiritual support.

If not, speak to your pastor about starting one.

You could also search for a community men’s group that may fit your needs.

Strengthening Father-Child Bonds:

Shared Activities and Playtime: Fathers can create strong connections with their children through shared activities and playtime.

Parenting Classes: Learning practical parenting skills can boost confidence and make fatherhood more manageable.

ULM offers periodic in-person fatherhood courses and Dad’s Discussion Groups in the Dayton/Springfield, Ohio area. (www.urbanlight.org).
Search the OPNFF website for other courses in Ohio (https://opnff.net/programs_for_fathers.asp).
ULM also provides the POPS 101 online course in English and Spanish. It is a free basic introduction to healthy fathering principles.

Communication with Co-parents: Fathers who aren’t living with their children can benefit from clear communication and cooperation with the other parent. Seek a co-parenting class in your community.

Addressing Underlying Issues:

Financial Assistance: Programs that help with child support, job training, or debt management can ease financial burdens.

Legal Aid: Fathers facing legal issues related to child custody or visitation can benefit from legal aid.

Substance Abuse Treatment: If substance abuse is a problem, there are resources available in your community for treatment and recovery.

Remember: Every situation is unique. The best way to help a struggling father is to understand his challenges and offer support that addresses those specific needs.

Going Upstream to Prevent Deadbeatism

Yes, I just coined a new word! LOL. The idea is that the best way to reduce the number of true deadbeat dads is to prevent them. Boys and male teens should be taught what it is to be responsible, nurturing adult males and fathers. Their fathers best teach this through modeling it. However, if they do not have a father or father figure who can show them through their own lives, Mentors in the community and courses primarily written for this purpose are good options.

Doing this also reduces the number of young men who struggle with premature fatherhood by teaching them why it is best to abstain from sexual activity before they are ready to be fathers. This can also help them to understand the sacrifices required to be a responsible father.

Inspiration from the Holy Scriptures

Fatherhood is the most important role a man has. Immediately after creating Adam and Eve, God commanded them to “be fruitful and multiply.” (Genesis 1:28) One of His primary purposes for marriage was offspring who would fill the earth with God’s praise and glory. However, providing sperm for conception is merely the beginning of God’s expectations for fathers. He is responsible for faithfully raising his children to be good members of society as he sets an example by how he lives his life.

The righteous man walks in his integrity;
His children are blessed after him. – Proverbs 20:7

About the Author

Join

Your financial contributions allow us to serve fathers at no cost. Please consider donating. Fathering Strong is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to the Heavenly Father. Go to www.fatheringstrong.com to donate. To learn more about Urban Light Ministries’ history, work, and mission, explore www.urbanlight.org.

[1] Based on data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The most recent data available (as of July 2024)

[2] [Statitsa Births to unmarried women U.S. percentage] This data is based on information from the CDC and other sources.

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