How to Help Noncustodial Fathers Secure Parenting Time: Best Practices and Support Resources

In our last article, we addressed some of the financial and employment, housing, parenting knowledge and skills, partner and child’s health, and personal well-being needs of fathers. To continue that conversation, in this post, we will examine the circumstances and needs of fathers who do not reside in the same home as their children.

The special needs and challenges faced by noncustodial fathers, particularly in securing parenting time, are complex and multifaceted, encompassing emotional, legal, financial, and logistical aspects.

Special Needs and Emotional Challenges

1. Emotional Distress and Grief: Noncustodial fathers often experience significant feelings of loss, grief, guilt, and separation anxiety over not being a daily, physical presence in their child’s life.
2. Maintaining a Meaningful Bond: There is a deep need to preserve and nurture a strong, meaningful parent-child relationship despite limited and often structured time. This requires consistency in communication during visits.
3. Parental Authority and Influence: Fathers need to maintain a sense of parental authority and influence in their child’s life, including being involved in major decisions (such as education, health, and religion), which can be challenging without physical custody. Joint legal custody, where available, helps meet this need.
4. Coping with Conflict: They require strategies and support to manage stress and anxiety related to co-parenting conflicts, especially when disagreements or hostility with the custodial parent interfere with their time with the child.
5. Addressing Stigma and Bias: Some fathers feel they face a societal or judicial bias against them, leading to a need for emotional validation and assistance to counter the perception that a noncustodial father is inherently less important or capable than the custodial parent.

Challenges Getting Parenting Time (Visitation)

Noncustodial fathers often face specific hurdles that complicate or prevent them from exercising their court-ordered parenting time:

• Parental Interference/Alienation: The most significant challenge is often direct or indirect interference from the custodial parent, which can include:
  • Denying or canceling visits without a legitimate reason.
  • Failing to make the child available for exchanges.
  • Limiting or blocking communication (calls, video chats) between father and child.
  • Withholding important information (school, medical records).
  • Scheduling the child’s activities (parties, sports) that conflict with the father’s scheduled time.
  • Parental alienation, which involves a parent attempting to turn the child against the other parent.
• Logistical and Financial Hurdles:
  • Geographical Distance: Relocation by either parent can make frequent visits impractical due to the time and cost of travel.
  • Child Support and Finances: The challenge of balancing child support obligations with personal finances while also covering the travel and activity costs associated with visitation. In some cases, access to the child can be correlated with being current on support payments; however, courts generally view these issues as separate.
• Legal Enforcement: Many fathers require assistance with the complex and expensive process of enforcing court-ordered parenting time when the other parent is non-compliant, often necessitating motions for contempt of court.

Support and Resource Needs

To address these challenges, noncustodial fathers require access to various resources:

• Legal Assistance: Affordable or free legal consultation, information, and advocacy to understand their rights, navigate family court, enforce parenting time orders, and seek modifications to custody agreements as circumstances change.
• Co-Parenting Counseling/Mediation: Services focused on improving communication and conflict resolution with the custodial parent, often through mediation or co-parenting counseling, to create a child-centered co-parenting plan.
• Emotional and Mental Health Support: Therapy, counseling, and support groups to help them process feelings of loss, guilt, and frustration, and develop healthy coping mechanisms for stress and anxiety.
• Parenting Education: Guidance on maintaining a strong relationship from a distance and effectively parenting during limited time, focusing on quality interactions and stability.
• Help with Paternity Establishment: For unmarried fathers, assistance with the process of legally establishing paternity to secure their rights to parenting time and decision-making.

If you have some or all these services in your community, you are very fortunate. I encourage you to take full advantage of those resources. If your community is lacking in programs and services for noncustodial parents, I recommend having conversations with your local county elected officials about it. You might consider beginning with rallying fellow taxpaying residents to add their voices to yours. In another article I will share some ideas for mobilizing your community.

Click Image to download infographic

The following can be a starting point for discussions.

What Can and Should Be Done to Assist Noncustodial Fathers

The best practices for helping noncustodial fathers are rooted in the principle that a child benefits from having a safe, meaningful, and consistent relationship with both parents. These practices, often championed by fatherhood programs, family courts, and social services, focus on four key areas:

1. Emotional and Mental Health Needs

Need/Challenge	National Best Practice
Grief, Loss, and Emotional Stress	Provide Father-Specific Counseling and Support Groups: Offer accessible mental health services, individual therapy, and peer support groups structured to validate the unique emotional challenges of noncustodial fatherhood (e.g., loss of daily interaction, feelings of being marginalized).
Lack of Parental Self-Confidence	Use Strength-Based Fatherhood Programs: Utilize evidence-based curricula that help fathers identify their strengths, learn child development, and build confidence in their parenting abilities.
Maintaining Parental Identity	Promote a “Parenting Partner” Mindset: Encourage the father to reject the “Disneyland Dad” role and instead maintain consistent rules and routines during their parenting time, which reinforces their identity as a full parent, not just a visitor.

2. Maintaining the Father-Child Bond

Challenge	National Best Practice
Limited Face-to-Face Time	Maximize Quality, Not Just Quantity: Teach fathers strategies to make the most of their limited time by engaging in shared interests, creating meaningful traditions, and being fully present and attentive (e.g., no distractions).
Overcoming Distance	Leverage Technology for Consistent Contact: Establish clear guidelines in the parenting plan for consistent, non-interfered-with communication (video calls, phone calls, texts). Encourage the use of shared online activities (games, reading) to close the physical gap.
Involvement in Child’s Life	Facilitate Information Sharing and Participation: Ensure the parenting order grants the noncustodial father direct access to the child’s medical and school records. Encourage them to attend school events, parent-teacher conferences, and extracurricular activities whenever logistically possible.

3. Addressing Co-Parenting Conflict and Hostility

Challenge	National Best Practice
High Conflict with Ex-Partner	Mandate and Subsidize Mediation/Co-Parenting Classes: Require both parents to attend structured co-parenting classes or professional mediation, focusing on child-centered communication skills and conflict resolution before returning to court.
Interference/Gatekeeping	Encourage Use of Neutral Communication Tools: Promote the use of co-parenting apps (e.g., TalkingParents, OurFamilyWizard) that provide a verifiable, written record of all communication and scheduling, making it easier to hold a non-compliant parent accountable in court.
Modeling Poor Behavior	“Business Partner” Communication: Instruct fathers to treat communication with the mother as a neutral, professional exchange, focusing solely on the child’s logistics, health, and education. Messages should be neutral in tone, informative, and to the point.

4. Legal and Logistical Hurdles

Challenge	National Best Practice
Enforcing Parenting Time Orders	Provide Accessible Legal Resources: Establish Parenting Time Hotlines or legal clinics (often supported by state agencies) that offer free legal information and forms to noncustodial parents seeking to enforce or modify an order.
Paternity Establishment	Integrate Paternity Services: Coordinate child support, social services, and legal systems to actively assist fathers in legally establishing paternity early, as this is the foundational step for securing all legal rights and court-ordered parenting time.
Disputes Over Time	Utilize Detailed Parenting Guidelines: Courts should adopt and apply comprehensive, state-specific Parenting Time Guidelines that clearly define minimum time standards, holiday schedules, transportation responsibilities, and specific remedies (like “make-up time”) for parental interference.
Legal Bias and Stigma	Promote Gender-Neutral Language and Standards: Courts should use terminology like “parenting time” (instead of “visitation”) and apply the “best interests of the child” standard without a default preference for either parent, actively recognizing the value of two involved parents.

Instruction from the Holy Scriptures

⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. –  Deuteronomy 6:6-7 NIV

Fathers are instructed by God to spend both quantity and quality time interacting with their children, teaching and modeling for them constantly and consistently. When a father does not live in the same house as his child, that is unlikely to be the case. It is, nevertheless, important that fathers do everything they can to spend as much parenting time as possible with him or her. The custodial parent is wise to encourage that and to be accommodating.

When that is not the case, communities and systems must be in place to provide the necessary support to help noncustodial parents fulfill their God-given responsibilities for the well-being of their children.

In an upcoming Fathering Strong Blog post, I will share some ideas for mobilizing your community to meet the needs of fathers and families.

For more on the topic of fatherhood, read my book Father Love: The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs.   

Very soon, I will be announcing the second edition of this 2016 publication. In it, the research on fatherhood and fatherlessness is updated. I have added a chapter (26) on what churches can do to help fathers strengthen their spiritual leadership in their homes, congregations and communities.

Another new resource for fathers is the book Fathering Strong – God’s Blueprint for Leading Your Family by Bruce Stapleton. The book is available in print, digital, and audio.

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Watch the latest Fathering Strong Podcasts to see how other fathers have handled different situations. Go to the latest podcasts.

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Fathering Strong is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to the Heavenly Father.  Go to Give Now to donate. To learn more about Urban Light Ministries’ history, work, and mission, explore www.urbanlight.org. For more blog posts go to:https://urbanlight.org/2025-blog-posts/

Two Or Three Is Better Than One – The value of a community of fathers

Introduction

⁹ Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. ¹⁰ If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ¹¹ Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? ¹² A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

– Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NEW LIVING TESTAMENT

Those wise words were written under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit by Solomon. Solomon was the third king of Israel, succeeding his father, King David. His reign, from approximately 970 to 931 BCE, is often considered a golden age for the kingdom. Solomon is most famously known for his wisdom, which, according to the biblical account, was a gift from God. He also oversaw the construction of the First Temple in Jerusalem, a magnificent structure intended to be the permanent home for the Ark of the Covenant. Despite his great achievements, his later life was marked by his marriage to many foreign wives, who led him to worship other gods, ultimately causing the division of the kingdom after his death. His story is primarily told in the books of 1 Kings and 2 Chronicles.

The Meaning for Fathers

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 illustrates how fathers are better in community than isolated by using a series of metaphors about partnership and strength in numbers. The core message is that two are better than one, which directly applies to the role of a father.

Mutual Support and Success

The passage begins by stating that “two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” In the context of fatherhood, this suggests that fathers who are part of a community of other fathers have a built-in support system. They can share wisdom, offer advice on challenges, and celebrate successes. This mutual support helps them to be more effective and successful in their parenting roles than a father trying to navigate the complexities of raising children alone.

Resilience Against Hardship

Verse 10 highlights resilience, saying, “If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” This metaphor speaks to the struggles and failures that all parents face. A father in a community has other fathers to turn to during times of crisis, whether it’s a personal setback, a family issue, or a mistake in parenting. The community acts as a safety net, preventing a father from being “in real trouble” by providing emotional, practical, or spiritual support. An isolated father, however, has no one to help them up when they fall.

Protection and Strength

The scripture concludes with the powerful image of strength in numbers: “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” This imagery directly relates to the protection and strength a community provides. A father who is part of a supportive network is better equipped to protect his family and withstand the pressures of life. The community provides a collective strength that an individual father lacks. The “triple-braided cord” metaphor emphasizes that a community of fathers, mothers, and other support systems creates an unbreakable bond that is much stronger than any one person alone.

We Need Each Other

For men and fathers to become their best, we need interaction with each other rather than isolation. But that is not how many – maybe most men are inclined. On a subconscious level, we are fiercely independent, tending to keep to ourselves. Why? This is partly because Western cultures tend to prioritize individual achievement and autonomy over collective responsibility. This can lead to men valuing independence as a core trait. Societal norms and values often reinforce the idea that men should be strong, self-sufficient, and in control of their own lives.

Pride is also a factor. Pride can make it difficult for us men to admit needing help or support. This can lead us to isolate ourselves and try to handle everything on our own. It can drive a desire to be in control of all aspects of one’s life. This can manifest in a reluctance to rely on others or ask for assistance. Pride can be tied to a fear of failure or being perceived as incompetent. This can make it challenging to seek help, even when it’s needed. For some men, independence is seen as a core component of masculinity. Pride in our ability to be self-sufficient can reinforce this belief.

Sharpening Each Other

¹⁷ Iron is made sharp with iron, and one man is made sharp by a friend.  – Proverb 27:17 NLV

Proverbs 27:17 is considered by many to be a proverb from Solomon, although the book as a whole is an anthology of wisdom from several different sources.

This adage likely refers to the common method of sharpening iron or steel by scraping two pieces of metal together. As the pieces rub against each other, they are shaped, and rough spots are removed. Similarly, people can interact and help refine each other – make one another sharp! We need each other to achieve that.

Application for Fathers: How “Iron Sharpens Iron”

The proverb suggests that through interaction and mutual influence, people can improve and grow. Here are some ways this can happen:

Mutual Growth and Development

• Challenge and Growth: By sharing different perspectives and experiences, people can challenge each other’s assumptions and beliefs, leading to personal growth.
• Accountability: Friends and mentors can hold each other accountable for their goals and actions, providing support and encouragement.
• Skill Enhancement: Learning from others’ strengths and weaknesses can help individuals develop new skills and improve existing ones.

Building Stronger Relationships

• Empathy and Understanding: Open communication and shared experiences can deepen bonds between people and foster empathy.
• Support and Encouragement: Encouraging and supporting each other through challenges can strengthen relationships and build trust.
• Conflict Resolution: By learning to address disagreements constructively, people can strengthen their relationships and avoid resentment.

Shared Knowledge and Wisdom

• Learning from Others: By sharing knowledge and experiences, people can expand their understanding of the world and gain new insights.
• Mentorship: More experienced individuals can share their wisdom and guidance with others, helping them navigate life’s challenges.
• Collaboration: Working together on shared goals can lead to innovative solutions and greater achievements.

The Role of Accountability

Let’s delve deeper into the concept of accountability as a key aspect of “iron sharpening iron.”

Accountability is a cornerstone of personal and interpersonal growth. When we commit to something, having someone to answer to can significantly increase our chances of success. In the context of the proverb, this “someone” is the other piece of iron.

Here’s how it works:

• Mutual Commitment: Both parties agree to support each other’s goals and aspirations.
• Regular Check-ins: Consistent communication allows for progress updates, challenges, and encouragement.
• Constructive Feedback: Offering honest and helpful feedback helps identify areas for improvement.
• Encouragement and Support: Celebrating successes and providing support during setbacks strengthens the bond.
• Holding Each Other Responsible: This ensures that commitments are honored and their actions align with their goals.

Know this: Just like the sharpening of sharpening metal, the process of mutual accountability can be challenging or even abrasive but ultimately beneficial. It requires courage, humility, and maturity—characteristics of true manliness.

Strategies for Building Effective Accountability Relationships

Building strong accountability relationships also requires mutual trust, respect, and a shared commitment to growth. Here are some strategies to foster these connections:

Finding the Right Accountability Partner

• Shared Values and Goals: Look for someone who aligns with your values and has similar aspirations.
• Mutual Respect: Ensure there is a foundation of respect and trust between you.
• Open Communication: Choose someone who is comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings openly.

Setting Clear Expectations

• Define Roles: Clearly outline the expectations of each person in the relationship.
• Establish Goals: Set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals.
• Agree on Check-Ins: Determine how often you will meet or communicate to track progress.

Building Trust and Support

• Active Listening: Give your partner your full attention when they speak.
• Empathy: Understand and share the feelings of others.
• Encouragement: Celebrate successes and offer support during challenges.
• Honesty: Be truthful about your progress and challenges.

Effective Communication

• Open Dialogue: Encourage open and honest communication about goals, challenges, and progress.
• Feedback: Provide constructive feedback to help each other grow.
• Active Problem-Solving: Work together to find solutions to obstacles.

Maintaining Commitment

• Regular Check-Ins: Schedule regular check-ins to stay on track.
• Flexibility: Be open to adjusting goals and plans as needed.
• Celebrate Milestones: Acknowledge and celebrate achievements together.

Remember: Building a strong accountability relationship takes time and effort. Be patient and persistent in nurturing the connection.

What’s Next? Action

Knowing all the above means little unless it is acted upon. I challenge you, dear reader, to prayerfully seek a father with whom you may join in an accountability partnership. Each should be honest, supportive, and willing to challenge the other to grow.

How Fathering Strong Can Help

After finding your accountability partner, both of you can download the Fathering Strong mobile app to establish a private, safe, and secure digital connection. You can then communicate as much as you want via your smartphone.

Fathering Strong is an integrated mobile-based platform created by Urban Light Ministries to connect, engage, and empower fathers. Its mission is to grow a community of fathers dedicated to supporting each other through their personal fathering journeys.

The Benefits:

With all your digital communication tools in one place, you can:

• Chat
• Live video chat
• Group chat
• Access to a wealth of enriching resources

All of this can be done without charge and without using your phone’s text messaging features, Facebook, LinkedIn, or other social media apps. With the Fathering Strong app, there are no algorithms, no ads, no information sharing with third parties, or a need to go outside the platform to the general Internet with all its hazards and distractions.

Private group hosting

If you choose to expand your fellowship to include other dads, you may establish a private Fathering Strong group by inviting them in.  Your small community will benefit greatly from mutual encouragement, enrichment, and shared experiences.

How to Get Started

Simply point your browser to fatheringstrong.com and download the app to get started. Be sure to set your notifications. Explore the many features of the app and website. Invite your accountability partner to download the app if he is not already a member. 

Your financial contributions allow us to serve fathers at no cost. Please consider donating. Fathering Strong is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to the Heavenly Father.  Go to www.fatheringstrong.com to donate. To learn more about Urban Light Ministries’ history, work, and mission, explore www.urbanlight.org.

The Downside of Manning-Up

“Big boys don’t cry.” Or “Don’t be a sissy!” Did you hear those things as a kid? Phrases like those and “Man up!” reinforce the idea that emotional expression is “unmanly.” Being told those things by our fathers, older male siblings, or peers planted seeds that have grown into much emotional suppression and social isolation. The bitter fruits are relationship struggles, substance abuse, mental health challenges, and other unhealthy outcomes.

In this installment, we will shed light on the origin and consequences of male emotional suppression, the dangers of self-isolation, and what we can do to change things for the better.

Who Says Real Men Don’t Express Emotion?!

The idea that men must hide their feelings has been around for a long, long time. The suggestion that we must suppress our emotions is a complex social construct that has evolved over time. It’s not natural or innate behavior, but rather a learned one, shaped by various cultural and historical influences. Here’s a breakdown of the key factors:  

1. Historical and Cultural Influences:

• Traditional Masculinity:
  • Throughout history, many societies have emphasized traits like strength, stoicism (controlling your emotions), and dominance as core components of masculinity.  
  • These ideals often portray emotional expression, particularly vulnerability, as a sign of weakness, which is deemed unacceptable for men.  
• Industrial Revolution:
  • Some historians suggest that the Industrial Revolution played a role in reinforcing these norms.
  • The emphasis on efficiency and productivity in factory settings may have contributed to the idea that men should be rational and unemotional.
• Social Expectations:
  • Societal expectations and gender roles have historically dictated that men should be the providers and protectors, which reinforces the idea that they must be strong and in control.  

2. Socialization and Learned Behavior:

• “Boys Don’t Cry” Culture:
  • From a young age, boys are often socialized to suppress their emotions.  
  • Phrases like “boys don’t cry” and “man up” reinforce the idea that emotional expression is unmanly.  
• Peer Pressure:
  • Boys and men may feel pressure from their peers to conform to these norms, fearing ridicule or ostracism if they show emotion.  
• Media Portrayals:
  • Movies, television, and other media often perpetuate stereotypes of men as stoic and unemotional, further reinforcing these norms.  

3. The Impact of Patriarchy:

• Power Dynamics:
  • Patriarchal systems often reinforce the idea that men should be in control and that emotional vulnerability is a sign of weakness.
  • This can create a culture where men feel pressured to suppress their emotions to maintain their perceived power and status.  

It’s important to understand that these are social constructs, not biological imperatives. There’s a growing recognition that emotional expression is healthy and essential for well-being, regardless of gender.

The societal expectation for males to suppress their emotions has a range of negative consequences, impacting both their individual well-being and their relationships with others. Here are some of the key outcomes:

The Bitter Fruits of Suppressed Emotions

Mental Health Issues:

• Increased Risk of Depression and Anxiety:
  • Internalizing emotions can lead to a buildup of stress and negative feelings, increasing susceptibility to depression and anxiety disorders.
• Higher Rates of Suicide:
  • The inability to express emotional pain and seek help contributes to higher suicide rates among men.
• Substance Abuse:
  • Men may turn to drugs or alcohol as a way to numb or escape difficult emotions.
• Anger and Aggression:
  • Suppressed emotions can manifest as anger, irritability, and even violent behavior.

Physical Health Problems:

• Cardiovascular Issues:
  • Chronic stress from emotional suppression can contribute to high blood pressure and heart disease.
• Weakened Immune System:
  • Stress hormones can weaken the immune system, making individuals more vulnerable to illness.
• Chronic Pain:
  • Unexpressed emotions can sometimes manifest as physical pain.

Relational Problems:

• Difficulty Forming Intimate Relationships:
  • The inability to express vulnerability hinders the development of deep, meaningful connections.
• Communication Problems:
  • Suppressed emotions can lead to poor communication skills and difficulty resolving conflict.
• Increased Conflict:
  • Unexpressed emotions can lead to resentment and outbursts, creating tension and conflict in relationships.

Social Problems:

• Perpetuation of Toxic Masculinity:
  • The suppression of emotions reinforces harmful stereotypes of masculinity, contributing to a culture of dominance and aggression.
• Difficulty Seeking Help:
  • Men may be reluctant to seek help for mental or physical health problems, fearing it will be seen as a sign of weakness.

In essence, the pressure to suppress emotions creates a cycle of harm, impacting men’s overall well-being and their ability to connect with others. That can lead to isolation.

The Dangers of Going it Alone

Self-isolation, while sometimes necessary, poses significant dangers, particularly for men and fathers. Here’s a breakdown of those risks:

Mental Health Risks:

• Increased Loneliness and Depression:
  • Men, often socialized to suppress emotions, may struggle to articulate feelings of loneliness, leading to internalized distress and depression.
  • Fathers, especially stay-at-home dads or those with young children, can experience intense isolation due to the demanding nature of childcare and potential lack of adult interaction.
• Heightened Anxiety and Stress:
  • The pressure of providing for a family, coupled with isolation, can amplify anxiety.
  • Fathers may feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of being the primary emotional support for their children, without having their own support system.
• Increased Risk of Substance Abuse:
  • Isolation can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, including increased alcohol or drug use.
• Increased Suicidal Ideation:
  • Loneliness and depression are major risk factors for suicidal ideation.

Physical Health Risks:

• Weakened Immune System:
  • Studies show that chronic loneliness can weaken the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illness.
• Cardiovascular Problems:
  • Social isolation is linked to an increased risk of heart disease and stroke.
• Poor Sleep Quality:
  • Loneliness and stress can disrupt sleep patterns, leading to fatigue and other health problems.
• Reduced Physical Activity:
  • Self-isolation can lead to a more sedentary lifestyle, which can lead to many health problems.

Relational Risks:

• Strain on Family Relationships:
  • Isolation can create tension and conflict within families, as communication and emotional connection decline.
  • Fathers may become emotionally distant from their children, impacting their bond.
• Erosion of Friendships:
  • Men often rely on activity-based friendships, which can be difficult to maintain during isolation.
  • Lack of social interaction can lead to the deterioration of these crucial support systems.
• Difficulty with Social Skills:
  • Prolonged isolation can lead to a decline in social skills, making it difficult to reintegrate into social settings.

Specific Risks for Fathers:

• Increased Stress from Parental Responsibilities:
  • Fathers may feel overwhelmed by the sole responsibility of childcare and household duties.
  • The lack of adult interaction can exacerbate feelings of isolation and burnout.
• Difficulty Maintaining Work-Life Balance:
  • Working from home while caring for children can blur the lines between work and family life, leading to increased stress and conflict.
• Loss of Identity:
  • Fathers may struggle with a loss of identity as their social roles and interactions diminish.

It’s crucial for men and fathers to recognize the signs of isolation and seek support. Proactive measures, such as maintaining virtual connections, engaging in outdoor activities, and seeking professional help, can mitigate these risks.

Connecting Virtually

Because it may not be possible to be a regular part of a live, local group of fellow dads, we have created a way to do it using your smartphone. Fathering Strong® is an online community of fathers who are dedicated to supporting each other through their fathering and faith journeys while building stronger families and communities. Like-minded fathers can build communities, share stories, ask for help, and get the support they need to be successful parents. For mutual encouragement, enrichment, and shared experiences, join or form a group today. It is free.  

Instruction from the Holy Scriptures

¹¹ So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. – 1 Thessalonians 5:11 NLT

Fathers need each other to be at our best. Resist the temptation to self-isolate. Seek or create opportunities to do life with at least one other man. Encourage emotional vulnerability, transparency and mutual accountability.

Subscribe to our Fathering Strong YouTube Channel and the Fathering Strong website to receive notifications of weekly podcast releases.

About the Author

Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and mentor to several men. He and his wife, Judy, have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2006 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016 and led ULM in the creation of Fathering Strong.

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Fathering Strong® is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children.  To learn more about Urban Light Ministries and to donate to our mission, go to www.urbanlight.org.

Investing in Fathers: A Fiscally Responsible Approach to Social Change

In an era of intense debate over government spending and budget priorities, one overlooked solution offers remarkable promise: strengthening fatherhood. While partisan battles rage over social program funding, tax rates, and the proper role of government, fatherhood initiatives represent a rare opportunity for common ground—programs that simultaneously strengthen families and reduce taxpayer burden. Will that work? Absolutely!

I (Eli) know firsthand what a difference good fathering makes. My father and mother both came from fatherless homes, yet together, they raised thirteen children on a common laborer’s pay. None of their nine boys ever spent time in prison. Not one of their four daughters became an unwed mother. Our family never relied on welfare nor lived in subsidized housing. We cost the government very little, and each child grew up to become a tax-paying member of society. The keys to that impressive return on investment were my parents’ faith, my father’s consistent presence, and their effective co-parenting approach.

The Hidden Costs of Father Absence

The statistics paint a sobering picture: 25% of American children—a staggering 18.4 million—are growing up without their biological fathers. This absence isn’t just a family tragedy; it’s a massive economic drain on our public resources.

Father-absent homes cost American taxpayers nearly $100 billion annually in direct support payments. And that’s just the beginning. This figure doesn’t account for the long-term financial impacts:

• Higher incarceration rates: Children from fatherless homes are significantly more likely to enter the criminal justice system, costing taxpayers approximately $80,000 per inmate per year.
• Increased dependency on public assistance: Children in father-absent homes are four times more likely to live in poverty, requiring longer-term government support.
• Greater need for mental health services: The emotional toll of father-absence often translates to increased utilization of publicly funded mental health resources.
• Remedial education costs: Schools must allocate additional resources to address the behavioral and educational challenges more common in children from father-absent homes.

These cascading costs create a cycle of expenditure that strains federal, state, and local budgets year after year.

Breaking the Cycle: How Fatherhood Programs Save Tax Dollars

Unlike many social interventions that require substantial ongoing government funding, fatherhood programs offer exceptional return on investment. For every dollar spent on effective father engagement initiatives, communities save multiple dollars in reduced public expenditures.

Consider these cost-saving outcomes:

1. Reduced welfare dependency: When fathers are actively involved, family income typically rises, reducing reliance on TANF, SNAP, and other assistance programs.
2. Lower juvenile justice costs: Communities with strong father presence experience demonstrably lower youth crime rates, saving millions in juvenile detention, court, and rehabilitation expenses.
3. Improved educational outcomes: Father involvement correlates strongly with better academic performance, reducing the need for costly special education services and remedial programs.
4. Decreased mental healthcare utilization: Children with involved fathers experience fewer behavioral and psychological problems, reducing the burden on publicly funded mental health systems.

The fiscal math is straightforward: investing in fathers now prevents much larger government expenditures later.

The Private Sector Advantage

What makes fatherhood initiatives particularly appealing from a budgetary perspective is that they don’t require massive new government bureaucracies or tax increases. Organizations like Fathering Strong® demonstrate how private sector approaches can deliver sustainable community transformation through father engagement.

These programs leverage community connections, volunteer mentorship, and targeted education—multiplying impact without multiplying government overhead. The model creates a social infrastructure that reduces dependency rather than managing it, addressing root causes instead of symptoms.

Beyond the Budget: The Human Return on Investment

While the financial case for fatherhood programs is compelling, the human impact extends far beyond spreadsheets and budget lines. Children with involved fathers:

• Perform better academically
• Develop healthier relationships
• Show greater resilience and emotional regulation
• Experience higher levels of confidence and well-being

These outcomes represent not just savings but societal gains—stronger communities, more productive future workers, and healthier families for generations to come.

A Practical Path Forward

For taxpayers and policymakers concerned about fiscal responsibility, supporting fatherhood initiatives offers a pragmatic approach to addressing complex social challenges without expanding government or raising taxes.

Simple steps can make a difference:

• Support community-based fatherhood programs through private donations or corporate social responsibility initiatives
• Advocate for policies that remove barriers to father involvement
• Volunteer as mentors in communities with high rates of father absence
• Recognize businesses that implement father-friendly workplace policies

By investing in fathers, we invest in families. By investing in families, we build stronger communities. And by building stronger communities, we naturally reduce the need for government intervention and expenditure.

In today’s polarized climate, few solutions offer common ground. Fatherhood programs represent that rare opportunity—a fiscally responsible approach to meaningful social change that benefits everyone’s bottom line, from family budgets to federal balance sheets.

Eli Williams is the President of Urban Light Ministries. Since 1988, he has focused on practical solutions to community challenges. An ordained Christian minister and a professional fatherhood practitioner, Williams authored the book, “Father Love – The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs,” in 2016. Read more about his work at www.urbanlight.org

Bruce Stapleton is President and CEO, Movementum Group – Building marketing momentum for nonprofits and small businesses | Fatherhood Advocate – author of the book to be released June 1, 2025, “Fathering Strong – God’s Blueprint for Leading Your Family.”