Many think of their local child support enforcement agency as the “evil empire” existing to make life difficult for struggling noncustodial parents for the benefit of the other parent. I know from personal experience it can seem that way. More than four decades ago, as a financially challenged young father with a minor child from a failed marriage and while starting a new broadcasting career, my child support obligation seemed like a terrible curse.
Those were very difficult years. It is one of the reasons I empathize with young fathers who find themselves in similar and far worse circumstances. Loving their child(ren) while hurting from a failed relationship, having the pressure of (often) multiple child support orders and a low-paying job under threat of jail or other sanctions can feel like a situation worse than death.
A substantial portion of parents in the United States likely have some form of child support obligation through court orders, informal agreements, or other means. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2021, 4.1 million parents received child support through cash payments. This number only reflects parents who received cash payments. Many parents receive child support in other forms, such as healthcare coverage, reimbursements for medical expenses, and childcare costs. Therefore, the actual number of parents with active child support orders is likely significantly higher.
What is Child Support?
The primary goal of child support is to ensure the child has the necessary resources for healthy development and that both parents, regardless of their relationship with each other, financially contribute to the well-being of their child.
According to Wikipedia…
In the United States, child support is the ongoing obligation for a periodic payment made directly or indirectly by an “obligor” (or paying parent or payer) to an “obligee” (or receiving party or recipient) for the financial care and support of children of a relationship or a (possibly terminated) marriage. The laws governing this kind of obligation vary dramatically state-by-state and tribe-by-tribe among Native Americans. Each individual state and federally recognized tribe is responsible for developing its own guidelines for determining child support.
Typically, the obligor is a non-custodial parent. Typically, the obligee is a custodial parent, caregiver or guardian, or a government agency and does not have to spend the money on the child. In the U.S., there is no gender requirement for child support; for example, a father may pay a mother, or a mother may pay a father. In addition, where there is joint custody, in which the child has two custodial parents and no non-custodial parents, a custodial parent may be required to pay the other custodial parent.
The History of Enforcement
By the 1910s, nearly every state in the United States had criminal nonsupport statutes. Each state can determine its method of calculating support. Most states have, therefore, adopted their own “Child Support Guidelines Worksheet,” which local courts and state Child Support Enforcement Offices use for determining the “standard calculation” of child support in that state. In any case, courts may choose to deviate from this standard calculation.
The Role of the Feds
The federal government of the United States became involved in providing welfare assistance to impoverished children in 1935 through the Aid to Families with Dependent Children program. In turn, the federal government realized that many children were entering that program because noncustodial parents often avoided their fair share of the costs of raising their children. It began to develop the foundation of today’s overarching federal framework for child support enforcement.
The federal child support enforcement program is the responsibility of the Office of Child Support Services, an office of the Administration for Children and Families in the Department of Health and Human Services.
Child Support Enforcement and Parenting Time
For many noncustodial parents, child support is viewed as an unjust system. This is especially true when the non-resident parent (usually the biological father) has a child support order yet is frequently denied parenting time (formerly called visitation) with his child. This creates heartache and frustration for the noncustodial parent. In his anger, he may refuse to pay his child support obligation in protest, figuring, “Why should I be forced to pay for a child I am being denied access to?”
The tension between child support enforcement and parenting time for non-custodial parents stems from the following:
In states like Ohio, child support collection is a function of the Department of Job and Family Services Division of Child Support and is administered at the county level. In Ohio, county-level courts oversee child custody and parenting time matters. These cases typically fall under the jurisdiction of the Domestic Relations Court or the Juvenile Court within each county. Consequently, in some counties, your child support challenge is unrelated to your parenting time circumstances.
Other Things to Know
Child support calculations often consider how much a non-custodial parent spends with the child. More parenting time can sometimes lead to a lower child support obligation.
Enforcement Mechanisms:
Income Withholding (wage garnishment): A common method of enforcing child support that can strain the non-custodial parent’s finances, potentially impacting their ability to provide for the child during their parenting time. On the other hand, this collection method takes the burden off the payor to pay the child support agency; payments come directly out of their check and are sent to the agency.
License suspensions: For non-payment, which can severely limit the non-custodial parent’s ability to exercise their parenting time. Child support agencies are often willing to remove license blocks once they feel the obligor needs their license to work and spend time with their children.
Parental Alienation: Some argue that overly aggressive child support enforcement can create resentment in the non-custodial parent, potentially leading to decreased engagement with the child and even attempts to undermine the custodial parent.
Disputes and Court Involvement: Disagreements over child support and parenting time often lead to court battles, which can be emotionally and financially draining for all parties involved.
Where to Find Help
Here are some suggestions if you face child support or parenting time challenges.
Child Support
Be proactive: Communicate with your child support agency case manager. Keep them apprised of any difficulties you are having making payments. Request an administrative review of your case to determine if you qualify for an adjustment in your order.
Parenting Time
Advocate for Yourself: Contact your county’s Domestic Relations Court or Juvenile Court to inquire about the process for petitioning the court for a hearing about your parenting time. If you cannot afford an attorney, ask for the required documents to file a motion for a hearing yourself. Your local court may have a provision for a reduced filing fee for hardship circumstances. Ask.
Consult with an attorney or family law professional for specific guidance.
Seek out a Fatherhood Practitioner
Your community may have an agency that provides services such as fatherhood classes, employment assistance, counseling, and other services designed especially for fathers. You may be eligible for their services.
More Things to Know
It’s crucial to remember:
Seek the Child’s Best Interest: The primary focus should always be on the child’s well-being, including financial support and healthy relationships with both parents.
Collaborative Approaches are Best: Open communication and cooperation between parents, along with the involvement of qualified professionals (therapists, mediators), can help minimize conflict and ensure the best outcomes for the child.
Disclaimer:The information in this article is for general knowledge and guidance only. It does not constitute legal advice.
Thanks to Dr. Michael Newsom, Fatherhood Director Montgomery County, Ohio, for contributing to this blog post.
Inspiration from the Holy Scriptures
Supporting others, especially our children, is a serious responsibility and an awesome privilege.
8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. – 1 Timothy 5:8 NKJV
Someone capable of providing for their family but chooses not to is essentially abandoning their responsibility to care for their loved ones.
Even someone who does not believe in God would still be expected to take care of their family, so failing to do so is considered a particularly grave moral failing.
Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and mentor to several men. He and his wife Judy have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2006 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016 and led ULM in the creation of Fathering Strong.
Join
We invite you to join Fathering Strong, a new and growing community of fathers. To register, go to www.fatheringstrong.com, download the free app, and turn on the notifications. Explore the many resources, converse with other fathers, and share your story.
Your financial contributions allow us to serve fathers at no cost. Please consider donating. Fathering Strong is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to the Heavenly Father. Go to www.fatheringstrong.com to donate. To learn more about Urban Light Ministries’ history, work, and mission, explore www.urbanlight.org.
Parental alienation is a deeply concerning issue that unfolds in the shadows of many family court battles. It involves alienating behaviors by one parent aimed at undermining the child-parent relationship with the other parent, often leading to estrangement. While this manipulation may appear subtle, its effects can be devastating, akin to emotional manipulation and even a form of child abuse.
In cases of divorce, the fragile family dynamics can set the stage for parental alienation. A parent may consciously or unconsciously use tactics to distort a child’s perception of the targeted parent, leveraging emotional manipulation to create a psychological barrier. These behavioral manifestations can include false accusations, restricting communication, or painting the targeted parent as unloving or unsafe.
The psychological impact on both the child and the targeted parent is profound. For the child, the constant tension can lead to long-term mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and trust deficits. For the targeted parent, the emotional toll of estrangement can feel overwhelming, compounded by the feeling of helplessness in restoring the bond.
Custody evaluations are critical in identifying signs of parental alienation within family court proceedings. Professionals assess behavioral manifestations and gather evidence to ensure the child’s best interests are prioritized. However, recognizing these patterns can be challenging, especially when the alienating behaviors are subtle.
Addressing parental alienation requires a comprehensive approach. Families must prioritize mental health support for the child and the alienated parent to heal the damaged child-parent relationship. Education on healthy co-parenting and the psychological impact of alienation is essential in fostering healthier family dynamics post-divorce.
Parental alienation is a reminder of the lasting consequences of unresolved conflicts between parents. By bringing awareness to this issue, we can take steps to safeguard the emotional well-being of children and ensure that relationships built on love and trust prevail over manipulation.
Pastor Eli Williams has written two informative blog posts on parental alienation;
You may also listen to a “Deep Dive” conversation on each article generated by Google Notebook AI.
Parental Alienation Explained
Practical Steps and Spiritual Tools
If this is an area in which you would like more information or support. Join Fathering Strong, the free online community of fathers who are connected to help each other and provide support through the challenges of being a father.
As we wrote last week, parental alienation can have devastating effects on children, causing emotional distress, anxiety, and even long-term psychological damage. It can also disrupt the child’s relationship with the alienated parent, leading to feelings of guilt, confusion, and resentment. Parental alienation takes an awful toll on the alienated parent, both emotionally and psychologically.
The emotional distresses include grief and loss, anger and resentment, guilt and shame, and powerlessness. The psychological impact includes depression and anxiety, trauma, and self-esteem issues. Those are not to mention the social, family, and financial impacts.
Today, we suggest some “do’s and “don’t” when it comes to dealing with the horror of parental alienation and some measures that can be taken to protect your relationship with your child and safeguard your child’s well-being.
Here are some common mistakes made by alienated parents:
Engaging in Conflict with the Alienating Parent: This can escalate the situation and reinforce the negative narrative about the alienated parent.
Bad-Mouthing the Alienating Parent: Speaking negatively about the other parent can create further animosity and push the child away.
Overreacting to the Child’s Rejection: Responding with anger, pleading, or desperation can alienate the child further.
Trying to Force Contact: This can backfire and make the child feel pressured and resentful.
Neglecting Self-Care: Alienated parents must prioritize their own well-being to support their children effectively.
Not Seeking Professional Help: A therapist or counselor can provide guidance and support in navigating the challenges of parental alienation.
Giving Up: Maintaining hope and continuing to reach out is crucial, even when it seems difficult.
What You Can Do
Here is a summary of ten things a parent can do to protect their child from parental alienation.
Prioritize the Child’s Well-Being: Focus on maintaining a positive, loving relationship with your child, emphasizing their best interests above all else.
Document Everything: Keep a detailed record of any instances of alienation, including emails, texts, voicemails, and witness accounts.
Seek Professional Help: Consult with a therapist or counselor who specializes in parental alienation to develop a strategy and gain emotional support.
Communicate Effectively: If possible, communicate directly with the other parent to address concerns and find common ground.
Involve Trusted Individuals: Share your concerns with trusted friends, family members, or professionals who can offer support and potentially witness the alienation.
Consider Legal Action: If necessary, consult an attorney to explore legal options for protecting your child’s rights and well-being.
Educate Yourself: Learn about parental alienation, its effects on children, and coping strategies.
Focus on Your Child: Prioritize spending quality time with your child, engaging in activities they enjoy, and creating positive memories together.
Avoid Negative Talk: Refrain from speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child, as this can contribute to the alienation process.
Seek Support Groups: Connect with other parents who have experienced parental alienation to share experiences and gain support.
Remember, parental alienation is complex, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It’s essential to seek professional guidance and tailor your approach. But even that may not be enough.
Battling persistent parental alienation may require more than human effort. Supernatural help is sometimes necessary and, frankly, should be prioritized. But what is spiritual warfare, you may ask?
Doing Battle in the Spirit
The following is from Love Worth Finding with Adrian Rogers.
What does spiritual warfare mean?
Spiritual warfare has nothing to do with physical battles or physical weaponry. Spiritual warfare is the inward and outward battle we face against the enemies of God. These enemies include Satan, his minions—demons and fallen angels—and sin, which can be lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, or pride of life. Once we become Christians, a battle begins between the spirit (our internal spirit) and the flesh (the inward sinful nature we are born with). In this battle, we must learn to utilize the Holy Spirit within us to help us fight. The Apostle Paul spoke directly to this in his epistle to the Church at Ephesus in Ephesians 6:10-20. In verses 14-20, Paul lays out the armor we are to put on, but in the first few verses of that passage, he gives us a glimpse into why we need the armor.
“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand” (Ephesians 6:10-13).
Spiritual warfare is about trusting in God’s power and authority to protect and guide our children, not about warring against our child’s other parent.
Waging Spiritual Warfare for Your Child
Spiritual warfare on behalf of your child refers to praying and interceding with God for their spiritual protection, growth, and guidance. It involves seeking God’s intervention to shield them from spiritual harm, such as temptation, sin, and negative influences.
Some common elements of spiritual warfare for children include:
Prayer: Regularly praying for their spiritual well-being, protection, and guidance.
Scripture: Reading and meditating on Scripture with them, emphasizing its truth and power.
Discipleship: Teaching them about God’s love, grace, and commands and encouraging them to follow Jesus.
Community: Building a strong Christian community around them where they can be supported and encouraged.
Spiritual Authority: Exercising spiritual authority over their lives, binding demonic forces, and claiming God’s blessings.
Fasting: Fasting is a spiritual discipline that increases prayer’s effectiveness.
Enlisting the Prayer Support of Others
Ask your pastor and select others in your faith community to intercede with you on behalf of your child and the alienating parent.
Here are some prayer points for interceding for the alienating parent:
For Repentance: Pray that God will open their hearts to the truth and lead them to genuine repentance for the harm they are causing.
For Spiritual Insight: Ask God to grant them spiritual clarity and discernment, enabling them to see the destructive nature of their actions.
For Healing: Pray for the healing of their heart and mind, freeing them from bitterness, anger, and resentment.
For Love and Compassion: Ask God to fill them with love and compassion for their child and the other parent.
For Restoration: Pray for the restoration of the family so that the alienated parent would be reconciled with their child and the other parent.
For God’s Will: Ultimately, submit the situation to God’s sovereign will, trusting that He will work all things together for good (Rom. 8:28).
Instruction from the Holy Scriptures
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. – 1 Corinthians 10:3-4 ESV
The Christ-Follower can be confident that the battle for his child’s wellbeing is not his but the Lord’s. It is about believing that all authority in heaven and earth has been given to Him (Matthew 28:18) and that He will win the victory.
Going into battle for your child requires being adequately prepared. The Bible employs the metaphor of “the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6)” to picture the spiritual protection needed in spiritual warfare. In the next episode, we will discuss the various armor pieces and what they symbolize, explaining their use in spiritual battles.
Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and mentor to several men. He and his wife Judy have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2008 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016 and led ULM in the creation of Fathering Strong.
Join
We invite you to join Fathering Strong, a new and growing community of fathers. To register, go to www.fatheringstrong.com, download the free app, and turn on the notifications. Explore the many resources, converse with other fathers, and share your story.
Your financial contributions allow us to serve fathers at no cost. Please consider donating. Fathering Strong is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to the Heavenly Father. Go to www.fatheringstrong.com to donate. To learn more about Urban Light Ministries’ history, work, and mission, explore www.urbanlight.org.
The phone rings. I answer the call. A father pours out his heart. The mother of his children has turned his children against him. He is desperate and devastated. He wants to be part of his children’s lives, but she is making it impossible. He is crying out for help. It is heart-wrenching.
Sometimes, the children’s grandmother calls because her son is too broken to discuss it. Some call this parental alienation. It happens to mothers, too—not as frequently, but just as hurtfully, and it is not only the parent who suffers.
Parental alienation can have devastating effects on children, causing emotional distress, anxiety, and even long-term psychological damage. It can also disrupt the child’s relationship with the alienated parent, leading to feelings of guilt, confusion, and resentment. It ought to be a crime, in my humble opinion.
What is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation is a complex psychological process where one parent manipulates a child into rejecting or resenting the other parent. This manipulation can take many forms, including:
Badmouthing the other parent: This can involve spreading lies, exaggerating flaws, or making false accusations.
Restricting contact: The alienating parent may limit or prevent the child from spending time with the other parent.
Indoctrinating the child: This may involve teaching the child to distrust or fear the other parent.
Creating a false narrative: The alienating parent may create a distorted version of events to make the other parent seem unfit or abusive.
If you suspect that your child is being alienated, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand the situation and develop strategies for coping with the emotional challenges. In some cases, legal action may be necessary to protect yourrelationship with your child.
How Much Does This Happen?
Pinpointing an exact prevalence rate for parental alienation in the US is challenging due to several factors:
Underreporting: Many cases of parental alienation go unreported or unrecognized.
Lack of standardized definition: No universally accepted definition makes consistent diagnosis difficult.
Varying levels of severity: Alienation can range from subtle manipulation to severe indoctrination.
However, research suggests that parental alienation is a significant problem:
Estimates range: Studies estimate that between 10% and 25% of high-conflict custody cases involve parental alienation.
Impact on millions: Based on these estimates, it’s likely that millions of children and adults in the US have been affected by parental alienation.
It’s important to remember that these are rough estimates, and the actual prevalence may be even higher.
Searching for more information on this syndrome, I found the article “What Is the Incidence and Prevalence of Parental Alienation?” on the joshiattorney.com website. It states, in part:
One of the largest studies into the incidence and prevalence of parental alienation was conducted by Clawar and Rivlin (1991) over a 12 year period. They found out that in 86% of the 1000 cases they studied there was some element of parental programming and brainwashing in an effort to implant false and negative ideas about the other parent, with the intention of turning the child against that other parent. Their published findings break down as follows:
Percentage of Parents Who Program/Brainwash
23% more than once a day
22% about once per day
12 % more than once per week
8% once per week
21% occasionally
14% no detection of programming-and-brainwashing
The Symptoms of Parental Alienation
Are you concerned alienation may be happening to your child or another youngster? Know what to look for. The signs of parental alienation can manifest in a child’s behavior and attitudes. Here are some common symptoms:
Changes in behavior towards the targeted parent:
Hostility and rejection: The child may become hostile, dismissive, or even verbally abusive towards the targeted parent.
Lack of ambivalence: The child may only express negative feelings towards the targeted parent, lacking any positive or neutral emotions.
Weak, frivolous, and absurd rationalizations: The child may provide irrational or illogical reasons for their negative feelings towards the targeted parent.
Lack of guilt or remorse: The child may show no remorse or guilt for their hurtful behavior towards the targeted parent.
Ideation: The child may express extremely negative thoughts or beliefs about the targeted parent, often mirroring the alienating parent’s views.
Changes in the child’s overall behavior:
Anxiety and depression: The child may experience increased anxiety, depression, or other emotional difficulties.
Difficulty trusting others: The child may have trouble forming healthy relationships and trusting others.
Academic difficulties: The child’s academic performance may decline due to emotional distress.
Behavioral problems: The child may exhibit behavioral problems such as aggression, defiance, or withdrawal.
Changes in the relationship between the child and the alienating parent:
Co-dependency: The child may become overly dependent on the alienating parent.
Lack of boundaries: The child may have difficulty setting boundaries with the alienating parent.
Shared hostility: The child may join the alienating parent in their negative campaign against the targeted parent.
It’s important to note that not all of these symptoms may be present in every case of parental alienation. The severity and specific manifestations can vary depending on the individual circumstances.
If you suspect that your child is being alienated, it’s crucial to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in family dynamics and parental alienation.
Six Steps You Can Take
If you suspect your child is being alienated from you, here are some things you can do:
1. Document everything:
Keep a detailed record of all interactions with your child and the alienating parent, including emails, texts, voicemails, and any incidents of alienation.
Document any instances where the alienating parent has interfered with your parenting time or made negative comments about you to your child.
2. Seek professional help:
Consult with a therapist who specializes in family dynamics and parental alienation. They can provide guidance and support, as well as help you develop strategies to rebuild your relationship with your child.
Consider seeking legal advice from a family law attorney who is experienced in dealing with parental alienation cases.
3. Maintain open communication with your child:
Focus on positive interactions with your child during your time together.
Avoid criticizing or blaming the alienating parent in front of your child.
Reassure your child of your love and support, regardless of their feelings towards you at the moment.
4. Limit conflict with the alienating parent:
Try to keep communication with the alienating parent to a minimum, and focus on discussing matters related to your child’s well-being.
Avoid engaging in arguments or heated discussions, as this can escalate the situation and harm your child’s emotional well-being.
5. Be patient and persistent:
Rebuilding a relationship with a child who has been alienated can take time and effort.
Continue to prioritize your child’s well-being and focus on creating positive experiences together.
Remember, it’s important to be patient and understanding with your child. The effects of parental alienation can be long-lasting, and it may take time for your child to overcome the negative influences they have been exposed to.
6. Last, but certainly for the Christ-Follower, this should be first. Pray:
Constantly praying for your child’s spiritual defense is the way to protect them from the lies that can poison their minds and permanently damage your relationship with them.
Instruction from the Holy Scriptures
3 We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. 4 We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. – 2 Corinthians 10:3-4
Battling parental alienation requires spiritual warfare for your child. It begins with prayer for God’s supernatural help. Intercede for them and pray for the perpetrating parent.
We will have much more on spiritual warfare for your child next week.
For more articles on Fatherhood go to the weekly blog posts summary by clicking here.
About the Author
Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and mentor to several men. He and his wife Judy have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2008 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016 and led ULM in the creation of Fathering Strong.
Join
We invite you to join Fathering Strong, a new and growing community of fathers. To register, go to www.fatheringstrong.com, download the free app, and turn on the notifications. Explore the many resources, converse with other fathers, and share your story.
Your financial contributions allow us to serve fathers at no cost. Please consider donating. Fathering Strong is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to the Heavenly Father. Go to www.fatheringstrong.com to donate. To learn more about Urban Light Ministries’ history, work, and mission, explore www.urbanlight.org.
Interested in listening to the “Deep Dive – AI generated” audio discussion of this blog post? Click here to listen.
Is there room in your heart and your home for a child who is waiting to be adopted? If so, there are plenty of available youth. According to estimates from The Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS), 369,000 children are in the U.S. child welfare system in their most recent report for fiscal year 2022.
Why are so many children in foster care?
People often assume that children enter foster care because of physical or sexual abuse. However, the website of the Christian Alliance for Orphans reports that…
In 2022, neglect was the top reason children were removed from their homes, accounting for 62% of placement cases. Parental drug abuse (33%), “caretaker inability to cope” (13%), and physical abuse (13%) were the next three most common causes for removal.
Who Are These Children?
Age: AFCARS reports that the average age of a child in foster care in 2022 was 8. Only 7% were infants. More than half were under 10, and 27% were teenagers up to 18 years of age.
Gender: That same article states that 51% of children in foster care in 2022 were male and 49% were female. You can read or download the AFCARS Report here.
Ethnicity and Race: Historically, children of color have been disproportionately represented in the child welfare system. American Indian and Alaska Native children are overrepresented in foster care.
To some degree, these disparities track with differences in the rates of child poverty, substance abuse, or neglect that are often driving factors for family separation. However, according to a Child Welfare Information Gateway and Children’s Bureau report, children of color are not only overrepresented in suspected maltreatment but they also “experience disparate treatment once they are involved with child welfare.” Across foster care data sets, they found that Black children on average spend longer in foster care than White children, are less likely to reunite with their birth families, and are less likely to benefit from services. – Christian Alliance for Orphans
Why Adopt?
Adopting a child can provide numerous benefits, both for the child and the adoptive parents. Here are some of the top reasons why adoption is important:
Providing a Loving Home: Adoption offers children a stable, loving home where they can feel safe, secure, and supported.
Giving Children a Chance: Many children in the US foster care system are waiting for families. Adoption can provide these children with a permanent family and the opportunity to thrive.
Building Strong Families: Adoption can help build strong, diverse families. It allows couples and individuals to experience the joys of parenthood and create lasting bonds.
Supporting Children in Need: By adopting a child, you are directly contributing to the well-being of children who may have experienced trauma or hardship.
Making a Difference in a Child’s Life: Adoption can have a profound impact on a child’s life, providing them with the love, support, and opportunities they need to succeed.
Adoption is giving a needy child the gift of family.
Adoption is also a gift to the giver.
Adoption allows couples and individuals to experience the joys of parenthood and raise a child they love. It’s a journey filled with love, growth, and shared experiences. Adoption can help create a diverse and loving family. Adoptive parents have the opportunity to make a positive impact on a child’s life and contribute to their future success. Many adoptive parents report a deep sense of fulfillment and satisfaction from raising an adopted child. Adoption can expand a family’s network and create new relationships. Raising an adopted child can strengthen the bond between adoptive parents.
Types of Adoption
There are several types of adoption in the United States. Here are some of the most common:
Domestic Adoption
Public Adoption: This involves adopting a child from the foster care system. Children in foster care are often waiting for families, and public adoption provides them with a permanent home.
Private Adoption: This involves working with an adoption agency or attorney to adopt a child from a private placement. This can include domestic infant adoption or older child adoption.
International Adoption
Intercountry Adoption: This involves adopting a child from a foreign country. The process can be complex and involves working with government agencies and international adoption service providers.
Other Types
Stepparent Adoption: This involves a stepparent adopting their stepchild. I had the blessing of adopting my stepson when he was 13 years of age, after having raised him since he was 3.
Relative Adoption: This involves a relative, such as a grandparent or aunt/uncle, adopting a child.
Factors to Consider
When choosing a type of adoption, it’s important to consider factors such as:
Desired age and gender of the child
Openness to adoption of children with special needs
Willingness to wait for a child
Financial resources
Again, it’s important to note that adoption is a complex process that requires careful consideration and preparation. If you’re interested in adopting a child, consulting with adoption professionals who can provide expert guidance and support throughout the process is highly recommended. Their knowledge and experience can help navigate the legal and emotional aspects of adoption, ensuring a smoother journey for both the child and the adoptive parents.
Inspiration from the Holy Scriptures
14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children[a] of God.
15 So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.[b] Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”16 For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. Romans 8:14-17 NLT
Adoption in the Bible
The concept of adoption is a significant theme in the Bible, particularly in the context of God’s relationship with humanity. While the term “adoption” itself is not used directly in the Old Testament, the idea of God adopting or claiming a people as His own is prevalent.
There are three adoptions in the Old Testament (Moses, Esther, and Genubath, 1 Kings 11:20). Israel is called God’s son (Exodus 4:22; Deuteronomy 14:1; 32:6; Jeremiah 31:9; Hosea 11:1), but not until the New Testament is this called adoption.
Key Themes:
God as Father: One of the most prominent themes is God’s role as a father. He is depicted as a loving and caring parent who adopts His chosen people, Israel. This adoption is seen as a covenant relationship, where God promises protection, provision, and guidance in exchange for obedience.
Spiritual Adoption: The New Testament, particularly Paul’s writings, emphasizes the concept of spiritual adoption. Christians are described as being adopted into God’s family through faith in Jesus Christ. This adoption grants them the status of sons and daughters of God, and they inherit all the blessings and privileges associated with this relationship.
Grace and Mercy: Adoption is seen as a manifestation of God’s grace and mercy. It is a freely given gift, not earned through human merit. This emphasizes the idea that salvation is a work of God’s grace, not human effort.
In summary, the Bible’s adoption concept represents God’s loving and caring relationship with humanity. It signifies His adoption of Israel as His chosen people and the spiritual adoption of believers into His family through faith in Jesus Christ. This theme underscores the idea of God’s grace, mercy, and provision for His people.
Giving a child the gift of family is one of the godliest things any human can do.
About the Author
Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and mentor to several men. He and his wife Judy have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2008 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016 and led ULM in the creation of Fathering Strong.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It is held every October to raise awareness about the issue of domestic violence. As we often say, as men and fathers, we are responsible as leaders in our homes and neighborhoods to be protectors. What, then, is our role in preventing domestic violence?
Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence”, can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships, including couples who are married, living together, or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, faith or class.
Victims of domestic abuse may also include a child or other relative, or any other household member.
Domestic abuse is typically manifested as a pattern of abusive behavior toward an intimate partner in a dating or family relationship, where the abuser exerts power and control over the victim.
Domestic abuse can be mental, physical, economic or sexual in nature. Incidents are rarely isolated, and usually escalate in frequency and severity. Domestic abuse may culminate in serious physical injury or death.
Domestic Violence is a massive problem. It impacts nearly 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men across the United States (thehotline.org).
What Men and Fathers Can Do to Prevent It
Men and fathers play a crucial role in preventing domestic violence. Here are some steps we can take:
1. Model Healthy Relationships:
Respectful behavior: Treat partners and family members with kindness and empathy.
Conflict resolution: Learn and practice healthy conflict resolution skills, avoiding physical or verbal abuse.
Emotional expression: Express emotions in a constructive and non-violent way.
2. Promote Equality:
Gender equality: Challenge harmful gender stereotypes and promote equality between men and women.
Power dynamics: Recognize and address power imbalances in relationships.
3. Seek Help and Support:
Personal counseling: If struggling with anger, jealousy, or other issues, seek professional help.
Support groups: Join support groups for men who want to prevent domestic violence.
4. Educate Ourselves and Others:
Learn about domestic violence: Understand the signs, causes, and consequences of domestic violence.
Educate others: Share knowledge about healthy relationships and domestic violence prevention with friends, family, and community members.
5. Intervene Safely:
If you witness domestic violence: Encourage the victim to seek help and offer support.
If you suspect abuse: Report it to authorities or a domestic violence hotline.
Going Upstream
“Going upstream” in the context of domestic violence prevention means addressing the root causes of the issue rather than simply dealing with its consequences. Here’s how men can contribute:
1. Challenge Harmful Norms and Stereotypes:
Gender roles: Actively challenge traditional gender roles that perpetuate harmful stereotypes about masculinity and femininity.
Toxic masculinity: Reject the idea that men must be aggressive, dominant, or emotionally distant.
Consent culture: Promote a culture of consent and respect in all relationships.
2. Promote Healthy Masculinity:
Emotional intelligence: Develop emotional intelligence to understand and manage emotions effectively.
Healthy relationships: Model and promote healthy, respectful relationships.
Conflict resolution: Learn and practice non-violent conflict resolution skills.
3. Support Survivors and Advocate for Change:
Believe survivors: Believe survivors of domestic violence and offer support without judgment.
Advocate for change: Support policies and initiatives that address domestic violence prevention and support for survivors.
Community involvement: Get involved in community organizations working to prevent domestic violence.
4. Address Underlying Issues:
Substance abuse: Support programs that address substance abuse, as it can contribute to domestic violence.
Mental health: Encourage men to seek help for mental health issues, as they can be a factor in abusive behavior.
Economic inequality: Advocate for policies that address economic inequality, as it can contribute to stress and tension in relationships.
5. Educate and Mentor:
Educate younger generations: Teach boys and young men about healthy relationships, consent, and respect.
Mentorship: Mentor younger men and offer guidance on healthy masculinity and relationships.
By addressing these upstream factors, men can contribute to a broader cultural shift towards preventing domestic violence and promoting healthy relationships.
Here are Some Signs Someone You Know is Being Abused
Keep an eye out for things like:
Excuses for injuries
Personality changes, like low self-esteem in someone who was always confident
Constantly checking in with their partner
Never having money on hand
Overly worried about pleasing their partner
Skipping out on work, school, or social outings for no apparent reason
Wearing clothes that don’t fit the season, like long sleeves in summer to cover bruises
Are the Signs of Abuse Different for Men?
They’re often the same. And that’s true whether the abusive partner is a woman or another man. It may be emotional or verbal, like taking away keys, medicines, or other essentials. Or things like constantly putting you down in public or on social media.
And, it can be physical. To make up for differences in strength, abusive partners may try to attack you in your sleep, by surprise, or with weapons and other objects. They may also abuse your children or pets.
What to Do if You Think Someone Is Being Abused
Say something. You might have your doubts. But if you’re thinking about it, there’s usually a reason. Someone’s life could be in danger.
When you talk to the person, you can:
Ask if anything is wrong
Talk specifically about what concerns you
Listen carefully
Let the person know you’re always there to talk and that your conversations are always private
Paul’s exhortation to the Philippians reminds us that our gentleness should be evident in our relationships and interactions with everyone. This rules out abuse of all kinds.
5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. – Philippians 4:5 NKJV
His Spirit within the child of God produces fruit that includes peace, goodness, kindness, and gentleness. (Gal. 5:22-23)
For more blog post on fatherhood and becoming the best father you can be go to the Blog Directory Page
About the Author
Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and mentor to several men. He and his wife Judy have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2008 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016 and led ULM in the creation of Fathering Strong.
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Your financial contributions allow us to serve fathers at no cost. Please consider donating. Fathering Strong is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to the Heavenly Father. Go to www.fatheringstrong.com to donate. To learn more about Urban Light Ministries’ history, work, and mission, explore www.urbanlight.org.
