Child Self-Injury Warning Signs: What Every Parent Needs to Know

Research indicates that self-harm in children is more prevalent than many people realize. It is a serious and very complex issue. Protecting children from self-harm requires a multifaceted approach that focuses on open communication, emotional support, and creating a safe environment. In this edition of the Fathering Strong Blog, we will lay out what we have learned about it, identify some of the warning signs, and suggest some strategies for reducing self-harm.

 The Prevalence of Self-Harm

• Prevalence:
  • Studies show that self-harm, also known as non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), occurs in children and adolescents.
  • Rates vary depending on the age group, with higher rates generally observed in adolescents compared to younger children.
  • Research indicates that even children younger than 11 years old engage in NSSI.
  • Adolescent rates can be quite high, with some studies showing that a significant percentage of adolescents have engaged in self-harm.
• Factors influencing prevalence:
  • Age: The risk of self-harming tends to increase during adolescence.
  • Gender: Some studies suggest that girls, particularly in adolescence, may report higher rates of self-harm, though this can vary.
  • Mental health conditions: Children and adolescents with mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, or trauma, are at increased risk.
  • Autism: According to a recent report from MasterMindBehavior.com, self-injurious behavior (SIB) is a concerning yet prevalent issue, particularly among children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and other neurodevelopmental disorders.
  • Social factors: Factors like bullying, social isolation, and exposure to online self-harm communities can also contribute to the risk.
• Key Points:
  • It’s crucial to remember that self-harm is often a sign of underlying emotional distress.
  • Early intervention and support are essential.
  • It is also very important to note that suicidal ideation, and self-harm are becoming more and more common in younger children.
  • Reducing self-injurious behaviors (SIBs) in children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or other neurodevelopmental disorders (NDDs) requires a multifaceted approach. This includes both behavioral therapies and pharmacological treatments. (From the article Strategies for Reducing Self Injurious Behaviors in Children.)

It’s important for parents, educators, and healthcare professionals to be aware of the signs of self-harm and to provide support to those who may be struggling.

Some Strategies for Supporting Your Child

Why do children self-harm? Dr. Melissa Butler, a clinical psychologist at Riley Hospital for Children at Indiana University Health explains that “Self-harm is often a way of coping with negative emotions. In a young child, it is often because they cannot express their feelings or get their needs met. In adolescents, it could be because they are feeling like no one cares. 

So, what can parents do?

1. Foster Open Communication:

• Create a safe space:
  • Let your child know they can talk to you about anything without judgment.
  • Actively listen and validate their feelings, even if you don’t understand them.
• Regular check-ins:
  • Have consistent conversations about their emotional well-being.
  • Pay attention to changes in their mood, behavior, or social interactions.
• Educate about emotions:
  • Help them identify and express their feelings in healthy ways.
  • Teach them coping mechanisms for managing difficult emotions.  

2. Recognize Warning Signs:

• Changes in behavior:
  • Withdrawal from social activities.
  • Increased irritability or anger.  
  • Changes in eating or sleeping patterns.  
  • Decline in academic performance.
• Physical signs:
  • Unexplained cuts, bruises, or burns.
  • Wearing long sleeves or pants even in warm weather.
  • Isolation in their room for extended periods.
• Emotional signs:
  • Expressions of hopelessness, worthlessness, or helplessness.
  • Increased anxiety or panic attacks.
  • Preoccupation with death or dying.

3. Create a Safe Environment:

• Limit access to harmful items:
  • Secure sharp objects, medications, and other potentially dangerous items.  
  • Be mindful of items that could be used for self-harm.
• Monitor online activity:
  • Be aware of your child’s online activity and social media use.
  • Educate them about the risks of online self-harm communities.
• Promote healthy coping mechanisms:
  • Encourage physical activity, creative expression, and relaxation techniques.  
  • Help them develop a support system of trusted friends and family members.

4. Seek Professional Help:

• Mental health professionals:
  • If you suspect your child is self-harming, seek professional help immediately.
  • Therapists can provide guidance and support for both the child and the family.  
• School counselors:
  • School counselors can provide additional support and resources.
  • They can also help coordinate care between the school and mental health professionals.
• Crisis hotlines:
  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
  • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

Key Considerations:

• Early intervention is crucial: The sooner you address self-harm, the better the outcome.  
• Self-harm is often a symptom: It’s important to address the underlying emotional issues.  
• Be patient and supportive: Recovery takes time and effort.  
• Take all threats of self-harm seriously.

By combining open communication, awareness of warning signs, and access to professional help, parents can play a vital role in protecting their children from self-harm.

What Fathers Can Do Together

Fathers of children at risk of self-harming often face unique challenges, and peer support can be incredibly valuable. Here’s how they can support one another:

1. Create Safe Spaces for Sharing:

• Establish support groups:
  • These can be online or in-person, providing a confidential space for fathers to share their experiences and feelings.
    • The Fathering Strong® App was created to provide a platform for creating virtual private groups for purposes like this.
  • Facilitated groups with a mental health professional can be especially helpful.
• Informal gatherings:
  • Even casual meetups can offer a sense of community and understanding.
  • Focus on creating a judgment-free environment.

2. Offer Practical Support and Advice:

• Share coping strategies:
  • Fathers can share what has worked for them in communicating with their children and managing their own stress.
  • This can include tips for active listening, setting boundaries, and promoting healthy coping mechanisms.
• Provide resources and information:
  • Share information about mental health professionals, support organizations, and online resources.
  • Help each other navigate the complexities of the mental health system.
• Offer respite and practical help:
  • Sometimes, simply offering to watch another father’s children for a few hours can provide much-needed relief.
  • Helping with errands, or other day-to-day tasks can also be very helpful.

3. Provide Emotional Validation and Understanding:

• Acknowledge the challenges:
  • Fathers often feel pressure to be strong and stoic.
  • Validate their feelings of fear, frustration, and helplessness.  
• Offer empathy and compassion:
  • Listen without judgment and offer words of encouragement.
  • Let them know they are not alone in their struggles.
• Combat stigma:
  • Mental health stigma can be particularly challenging for fathers.  
  • Support each other in challenging negative stereotypes and promoting open conversations about mental health.

4. Focus on Self-Care:

• Encourage self-care practices:
  • Remind each other of the importance of taking care of their own mental and physical health.
  • This can include exercise, relaxation techniques, and pursuing hobbies.
• Promote healthy coping mechanisms:
  • Help each other identify and avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse or isolation.
  • Encourage each other to seek their own individual therapy if needed.

By creating a supportive and understanding community, fathers can help each other navigate the challenges of supporting a child at risk of self-harm.

Instruction From The Holy Scriptures

¹¹ So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. – 1 Thessalonians 5:11 NLT

Fathers are better together. You may be an inspiration to a dad in similar circumstances. Seek or create opportunities to encourage another father. In doing so, you may find support for yourself.

Subscribe to our Fathering Strong YouTube Channel and the Fathering Strong website to receive notifications of weekly podcast releases.

For more blog posts on important fatherhood topics click here.

About the Author

Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and mentor of several men. He and his wife Judy have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2006 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016 and led ULM in the creation of Fathering Strong.

Join

We invite you to join the Fathering Strong Movement. To begin, explore FatheringStrong.com, and download the free app. Subscribe to the weekly Fathering Strong Podcast on YouTube. Your subscription enables us to provide services and resources, including our newsletter and blog at no cost.

Fathering Strong® is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children.  To learn more about Urban Light Ministries and to donate to our mission, go to www.urbanlight.org.

Fathering Strong: How Dads Can Work Together to Prevent Child Abuse

Every child should live in a world where they can grow up happy, healthy, and safe. Unfortunately, that is not the reality for many children around the world. Child abuse is a serious problem also in the United States. Gathering precise figures on child abuse is challenging, as many cases go unreported. Prevention and intervention efforts are crucial to protecting children. In this article, I will share what I have learned so that we, as parents, are informed and equipped to safeguard our and our neighbor’s children.

The Prevalence of Child Abuse

Based on available data[i], it’s estimated that millions of children are affected by abuse and neglect each year. According to sources like the CDC, at least 1 in 7 children in the U.S. have experienced child abuse or neglect in the past year. This is likely an underestimate. Many factors contribute to underreporting, including fear of retaliation, shame, and lack of awareness. Therefore, the actual prevalence of child abuse is likely higher than reported statistics suggest.

Neglect is the most common form of child maltreatment. Young children are particularly vulnerable, with the highest rates of victimization occurring in infants and toddlers. Child abuse affects children of all backgrounds, regardless of socioeconomic status, race, or ethnicity. However, children from BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) communities have a higher rate of victimization.

Preventing Child Abuse

Prevention is a critical responsibility, and parents should be well-informed about the various aspects involved. Here are four important things to know:

1. Understanding Child Abuse

• Types of Abuse
  • Physical abuse: Inflicting physical harm.
  • Sexual abuse: Any sexual activity with a child.
  • Emotional abuse: Causing psychological harm through words or actions.
  • Neglect: Failure to provide basic needs like food, shelter, or medical care.
• Recognizing Signs
  • Be aware of physical, behavioral, and emotional indicators of abuse.
  • Unexplained injuries, changes in behavior, fear of certain adults, and poor hygiene can be warning signs.

2. Creating a Safe Environment

• Nurturing Relationships
  • Foster strong, positive relationships with your children.
  • Open communication is essential.
  • Validate their feelings and provide emotional support.
• Setting Boundaries
  • Establish clear and consistent rules and boundaries.
  • Teach children about appropriate and inappropriate touching.
  • Empower them to say “no” to anything that makes them uncomfortable.
• Supervision and Monitoring
  • Be aware of who your children are interacting with, both online and offline.
  • Monitor their internet and social media activity.
  • Know who is supervising your children when they are outside of your care.

3. Building Protective Factors

• Parenting Skills
  • Learn positive parenting techniques.
  • Manage stress and anger in healthy ways.
  • Seek support when needed.
• Community Support
  • Build a support network of family, friends, and community resources.
  • Participate in community programs that support families.
  • Know the resources in your area that can help with child services.
• Education
  • Educate your children about personal safety and healthy relationships.
  • Teach them to identify trusted adults they can talk to.

4. Taking Action

• Reporting Suspected Abuse
  • If you suspect child abuse, report it to the appropriate authorities.
  • Contact your local child protective services or law enforcement.
  • Remember, reporting can save a child’s life.
• Preventing Abuse in Your Community
  • Support child abuse prevention programs.
  • Volunteer your time to organizations that help children and families.
  • Be a responsible and caring member of your community.

Key Resources

• Childhelp: Provides a national hotline and resources for child abuse prevention.
• The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC): Offers information and resources on child abuse and neglect prevention.
• Prevent Child Abuse America: A national organization dedicated to preventing child abuse.

What Fathers Can Do Together

By working together, fathers can create a powerful force for positive change and help prevent child abuse and neglect in their communities.

Here are three ways fathers can collaborate and contribute:

1. Building Supportive Networks

• Fatherhood Groups
  • Create or join existing fatherhood groups that provide a safe space for sharing experiences, challenges, and solutions.
    • Fathering Strong® provides a free mobile app for organizing virtual groups to connect, empower, and engage fathers for such purposes.
  • These groups can offer peer support, mentorship, and education on positive parenting.
• Community Involvement
  • Participate in community events and initiatives that promote healthy families and child well-being.
  • Volunteer with organizations that support children and families at risk.
  • Creating a stronger community helps to create a safer environment for children.
• Mentoring
  • Older or more experienced fathers can mentor younger fathers, providing guidance and support.
  • This can be particularly valuable for fathers facing challenges or lacking positive role models.

2. Promoting Positive Parenting

• Education and Training
  • Organize or participate in workshops and training sessions on positive parenting skills, anger management, and stress reduction.
  • Share resources and information on child development and effective discipline techniques.
• Modeling Healthy Behavior
  • Fathers can work together to model healthy relationships, communication, and emotional expression.
  • This includes demonstrating respect for women and children.
• Advocating Family-Friendly Policies
  • Support policies that promote paid parental leave, affordable childcare, and access to mental health services.

3. Raising Awareness and Taking Action

• Public Awareness Campaigns
  • Collaborate on public awareness campaigns to educate the community about child abuse prevention.
  • Use social media, community events, and other platforms to raise awareness.
• Reporting Suspected Abuse
  • Encourage fathers to be vigilant and report any suspected cases of child abuse or neglect.
  • Provide information on how to report and where to seek help.
• Supporting Victims and Families
  • Work together to support victims of child abuse and their families.
  • This can include providing emotional support, practical assistance, and access to resources.
• Challenging Harmful Norms
  • Work to challenge societal norms that promote violence or condone abusive behavior.
  • Promote healthy masculinity.
• Online safety
  • Fathers can work together to help educate each other, and their children on online safety. This includes monitoring online behavior and keeping open lines of communication about online interactions.

Fathers play a crucial role in preventing child abuse and neglect, and working together can amplify our impact.

Inspiration from the Holy Scriptures

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God in whom I trust.” –  Psalm 91:1-2 MEV

Father God is the ultimate protector. His children are safe in Him. He models for us what it is to be a refuge, shield, guard, and defender. Our responsibility and privilege is to protect our own and all of the community’s children. Let Him inspire us to do all we can to make sure that all the children within our reach are happy, healthy and safe from abuse and neglect. 

Subscribe to our Fathering Strong YouTube Channel and the Fathering Strong website to receive notifications of weekly podcast releases. For more blog posts on important fatherhood topics click here.

About the Author

Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and mentor of several men. He and his wife Judy have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2006 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016 and led ULM in the creation of Fathering Strong.

Join

We invite you to join the Fathering Strong Movement. To begin, explore FatheringStrong.com and download the free app. Subscribe to the weekly Fathering Strong Podcast on YouTube. Your subscription enables us to provide services and resources, including our newsletter and blog at no cost.

Fathering Strong® is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children.  To learn more about Urban Light Ministries and to donate to our mission, go to www.urbanlight.org.

[i] The Children’s Bureau’s National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System (NCANDS) collects data on child maltreatment from state child protective services agencies. These reports provide valuable insights, but they don’t capture every instance of abuse.

Talking to Your Kids About Porn – Part 2

Conversations about pornography, especially with children and adolescents, are crucial. I believe the best people to have those talks with kids are their parents. Having age-appropriate discussions with your child about porn can help them understand the dangers and keep them from harm. For most of us, these are uncomfortable conversations to have, so we will give some practical guidance in this article.

In the previous Fathering Strong blog post, we considered the hazards of porn for children, offered suggestions for having age-appropriate discussions, and suggested some resources for guiding your conversations with children. In this post, we will share what we learned after investigating recognizing signs of pornographic use and suggestions for parents whose child has already begun using porn.

Signs of Porn Use

Here are some potential signs that a young person might be engaging in pornography, keeping in mind that these signs can also indicate other issues:

Behavioral Changes

Increased secrecy:

• This might involve more time spent alone, especially in private spaces like bedrooms or bathrooms.
• Increased use of incognito browsing, clearing browsing history, or password-protecting devices.

Changes in mood or behavior:

• Irritability, mood swings, or signs of depression.
• Social withdrawal or isolation from friends and family.
• Changes in sleep patterns or appetite.

Changes in academic performance:

• A decline in grades, missed assignments, or decreased focus in school.

Changes in interests:

• Loss of interest in previously enjoyed hobbies or activities.

Increased sexualized behavior or language:

• Using sexually explicit language or drawing sexual images.
• Showing an unusual or advanced knowledge of sexual topics.

Potential Indicators of Problematic Use:

Compulsive behavior:

• Difficulty controlling or limiting porn use.
• Spending excessive amounts of time viewing pornography.
• Continuing to use pornography despite negative consequences.

Escalating consumption:

• Seeking out increasingly extreme or graphic content.

Impact on relationships:

• Difficulty forming or maintaining healthy relationships.
• Changes in attitudes towards relationships or intimacy.

Physical symptoms:

• Although less common, some individuals may experience fatigue, sleep disturbances, or other stress-related symptoms.

Other Important Considerations

It’s crucial to avoid making assumptions based on a single sign. If you’re concerned about your child’s or another young person’s pornography use, consider seeking guidance from a trusted adult, counselor, or therapist.

My Kid Has Discovered Porn. Now What?

Discovering that your child is viewing pornography can be a challenging situation for any parent. Here’s a breakdown of six considerations to help navigate this:

1. Stay Calm and Approach with Understanding:

• Resist the urge to panic or react angrily. A calm and measured response is crucial.
• Remember that curiosity about sexuality is normal, especially during adolescence.  
• Avoid shaming or blaming. This can shut down communication and create further issues.

2. Initiate a Calm and Open Conversation:

• Choose a private and comfortable setting.
• Start by expressing your concern and love for your child.
• Listen more than you talk. Try to understand their perspective and motivations.
• Ask open-ended questions:
  • “What have you been watching?”
  • “How often have you been viewing this type of content?”
  • “How does it make you feel?”
  • “Do you have any questions about what you have seen?”
• Be prepared to have multiple conversations. This is an ongoing process, not a one-time event.

3. Provide Education and Guidance:

• Discuss the unrealistic and often harmful portrayals of sex in pornography.
• Explain the potential negative impacts of excessive porn use, such as distorted views of relationships, unrealistic expectations, and potential addiction.  
• Offer accurate information about healthy sexuality, relationships, and consent.
• Emphasize the importance of respecting oneself and others.
• Discuss online safety:
  • The dangers of online predators.
  • The permanence of online content.
  • The importance of protecting personal information.

4. Set Boundaries and Implement Safeguards:

• Establish clear rules and expectations regarding internet and device usage.
• Consider using parental control software or apps to filter content and monitor online activity.
• Keep computers and devices in common areas of the house.
• Have open conversations about online safety and responsible digital citizenship.

5. Seek Professional Help if Needed:

• If you’re concerned about your child’s behavior or if they’re struggling with excessive porn use, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor.
• A professional can provide support and strategies for both you and your child.

6. Ongoing Support and Communication:

• Maintain open and honest communication with your child.
• Create a safe space for them to ask questions and express their concerns.
• Be patient and understanding. Changes in behavior take time.

More Considerations:

• As pointed out last time, age-appropriate discussions are vital. Tailor your conversations to your child’s age and maturity level.
• Remember that every child is different. What works for one may not work for another.
• Be a role model for healthy technology use.

Important Reminders:

• Early intervention is key. The sooner you address the issue, the better.
• Open communication is essential. Create a safe space for your child to talk about their concerns.

By approaching this situation with understanding, open communication, and a focus on education, you can help your child navigate the complexities of sexuality and develop healthy habits.

Here are More Helpful Resources

• Professional Counseling
  • Therapists and counselors can provide support and guidance for both parents and children dealing with problematic pornography use.
• Focus on the Family
  • This organization offers resources and counseling services for families, including information on dealing with pornography use. They provide articles, advice, and professional support.  They have information on how to respond to a child’s suspected porn use.
• The National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)
• The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE

By utilizing these and other resources, parents can gain the knowledge and support they need to navigate this challenging issue and help their children develop healthy attitudes toward sexuality and technology.

Inspiration From The Holy Scriptures

Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23 NIV

As fathers, it is essential that we model excellent behaviors for our children. That, of course, means abstaining from pornography and other spiritually unhealthy things. In doing so, we protect our hearts from consuming unwholesome content. What is in our hearts will eventually come out in one way or another. Therefore, we do well to fill our hearts and minds with the Word of God instead (Psalm 119:11).

Subscribe to our Fathering Strong YouTube Channel and the Fathering Strong website to receive notifications of weekly podcast releases.

To read last week’s article on Talking to Your Kids about Porn, click here.

About the Author

Eli Williams is a father, grandfather, and mentor of several men. He and his wife Judy have served in community outreach ministry since the late 1980s and founded Urban Light Ministries in 1995. Eli has been a professional fatherhood practitioner since 2006 and is an ordained Christian minister helping to pastor New Hope Church in Springfield, Ohio. Reverend Williams authored Father Love—The Powerful Resource Every Child Needs in 2016 and led ULM in the creation of Fathering Strong.

Join

We invite you to join the Fathering Strong Movement. To begin, explore FatheringStrong.com, and download the free app. Subscribe to the weekly Fathering Strong Podcast on YouTube. Your subscription enables us to provide services and resources, including our newsletter and blog at no cost.

Fathering Strong® is powered by Urban Light Ministries, Inc., a not-for-profit organization founded in 1995 in Springfield, Ohio. Our mission is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children.  To learn more about Urban Light Ministries and to donate to our mission, go to www.urbanlight.org.